And now, it's time for the weigh-ins for real. There is more montage, even though we've just had montages about each of the three finalists. Helen steps on the scale, and is feeling great. She goes from 257 to 117 for a loss of 140. Well damn, woman! That's 54.47%, in case you were wondering. Helen is delirious with glee, as she should be. Mike is up next. To take the lead from Helen, he needs to have lost more than 211 pounds. He seems doubtful. He goes from 388 to 181 for a loss of 207! That's 53.35%, which is awesome. But not as awesome as Helen! Sorry, kid. Mike laughs a whole bunch, and I can't tell if it's because he's happy or unhappy or hungry. Probably a combination of all three. In any case, we're once again going to have a female Biggest Loser!
Finally, there is Tara. If you ask me, she's looking a little nervous. Gorgeous, but nervous. Tara needs to have lost more than 160 pounds to beat Helen. The vein in her forehead appears to want to reach out and strangle Helen. Sami throws it to a commercial break, then comes back and prattles on some more just to torture us and make me wonder if my DVR is going to cut off the ending. For god's sake, shut up, Sami! Finally Tara steps on the scale. She goes from 294 to 139 for a loss of 155. Helen WINS! Go, old people!!! Bob and Jillian give Helen a giant hug, and then a big boom goes off and scares Sami as she is talking, and then a piece of confetti lands in her cleavage. That piece of confetti is the Biggest Winner.
Well, another season -- this time an especially long season -- has come to an end. Congrats to Jerry and Helen, who rock. And thank you all for reading! Do something this summer to make you feel proud, and I'll see you all in the fall!
Potes thinks that Jerry and Helen should form a motivational speaking supercouple named "Jelen." You can reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.