"We Need A Bigger Well Of Fug To Pull From"
H: But you know everyone's running out trying to get every waitress job in Vegas.
WC: Sarah said, "I feel like, if I were George Clooney, that's who I would date too."
H: Sure. I don't know if he necessarily cares about that, but he will always be the star of their relationship. No complications.
WC: There's less chance that he'll show up in the tabloids because no one knows who she is.
H: She's going to get what she needs out of it and that's going to be fine, I'm sure. If there's a breakup, he's going to treat her like a queen, and there's going to be no talking.
WC: And he won't get her pregnant.
H: I would love it if he spawned, but no.
J: I prefer him to be dating kind of a random. If he'd been dating Reese Witherspoon or something--
H: It would be like TomKat, except less crazy. It would be the sane, grown-up version of TomKat. And yet, everyone would freak out.
WC: This talk of celebrity relationships and pregnancy leads me to ask, what's with all the ladies trying to pretend they're not pregnant?
J: Who's pregnant now?
WC: Angelina Jolie.
J: Was she really pretending anymore?
WC: No, but she hasn't announced either way, and then showed up in a body stocking at the Independent Spirit Awards.
H: I think some of it is a game to them. You know, "You want the information so badly? Try and pry it out of me." I feel like it would be hard to be pregnant in the public eye. For those first three months, when you're putting on pregnancy weight but you can't tell anybody you're pregnant because you're still in the danger zone. So I sort of understand that, but I also think that people are going to lay off you if you're just like, "Yes, I'm pregnant. Five more months. I'm so excited."
J: I agree.
H: And don't go the Jessica Alba route of giving a hundred different interviews all focussing on how you can't believe how fat you are.
J: Yeah, I know. And how the baby is a parasite.
H: I think that's some really good advice. You guys should make a t-shirt.
WC: "Don't Be Jessica Alba"?
J: Call Dave. But it's true, I feel like every article I've read about her is like, "It's so strange to have a parasite growing inside you," and like, "I feel like I'm so fat and I hate it."