"We Need A Bigger Well Of Fug To Pull From"
J: I don't know what the deal is with that show. How do you win it? Is it a competition show?
WC: I think it is?
H: Whoever gives the most away the fastest...?
WC: I don't know. All I know is Nate is on it, so I will be watching it. I love Nate.
H: I don't watch a whole lot of Oprah. She stresses me out sometimes.
WC: I don't watch it every day. I was looking at a cover of the magazine and thinking, "Girl, that's not the right cup. That's not where your boobs go."
H: Oprah should be the queen of "size is just a number."
WC: Like, we know that you're stress-eating because of the school. We understand that.
J: We've all been there!
H: We've all been there with schools that we've started in blighted lands. And our beards, and our book groups.
WC: It's hard.
J: And she's having problems with her thyroid now. I'm like, "Girl, I had thyroid problems before you did."
WC: She just likes to eat. There's nothing wrong with that.
J: I know! Me too!
WC: Just own it. It doesn't matter if you're a size 12 or a size 16. America loves you, just deal with it.
H: No one cares what size Aretha Franklin wears. God, it's Oprah.
WC: So Mike Huckabee -- even though now he's out of the race -- I had a theory as to why he was doing so well with women: he's a former fattie, and women love a makeover story.
J: That's true. He also wrote a diet book.
H: And never underestimate the appeal of Chuck Norris. Walker, Texas Ranger is the key to a good campaign.
J: Americans love folksy.
WC: And dimples!
J: Folksy and dimples? Winner.
WC: So now the question is, who will Chuck Norris endorse now that Mike Huckabee is out of the race? If he is by press time.
H: And not down Ralph Nader Boulevard. Isn't he running again?
WC: Yes, he just announced it.
J: Everyone read that, all, "Not this time."
H: Why bother, if you're Ralph Nader? What exactly are you achieving?
WC: He's trying to make a point, over and over again.
J: Unfortunately, I think that is true.
WC: One more politics question and then we can leave this subject: Hillary Clinton and the pantsuits. Does she get a bad rap with the pantsuits, or should she mix it up?