The Hills

Episode Report Card
Kim: B- | 442 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
Like Heidi Without the Spencer

Previously, Audrina moved out to be alone, but then she also wanted JB to move in with her. JB was all, "Whatever happens, happens," which I took to mean that he was trying to figure out if he could find something better. Heidi got fired and then her ex-boss told her that Spencer is a loser. Whitney met a guy in New York. No, not that guy. A different guy. This one's named Jay and he's in a band. Holly lived with Heidi and Spencer, but then they kicked her out.

Lauren and Whitney are working and gossiping. Whitney reveals that she and Jay have been talking on the phone and she hopes to go out and see him soon. Lauren says she's "so jealous" of Whitney's "fairy tale." It's a fairy tale because she met a dude in a bar? Lauren and I clearly grew up reading very different bedtime stories. And also, I'm so over this idea where young women expect their lives to be a fairy tale, and feel unsuccessful somehow when it's not, and every movie and every TV show only encourages it and it's a bunch of bullshit. Stop expecting your life to be a movie. No one's life is like that, and you're wasting a lot of time waiting around for that to happen. Love isn't about the sweeping gesture. It's about the mundane tasks that add up over time. Sorry about that. I was just going on a rant the other day about how the role models for young women today are all effed up, and how if I didn't have women like Naomi Wolf and Janeane Garofalo and Natalie Merchant to look up to as a twentysomething, I probably would have been even unhappier. Moving on.

Lauren suddenly remembers that Holly is moving in with her! Or at least crashing for a while. Whitney wonders if Heidi knows about it, and instead of saying that it's not her fucking problem, which it's not, Lauren says she doesn't know. Whitney points out that the longer Holly stays with Lauren, the more Heidi and Spencer will resent Lauren. Again, so not Lauren's problem. Holly's problem and Heidi's problem and Spencer's problem, but not Lauren's problem. Whoo! I'm angry tonight! Lauren thinks Heidi didn't leave Holly with many options and Whitney agrees that Holly is "like Heidi but without the Spencer" and she means that as a compliment. Am I the only one that remembers that Heidi kind of sucked even before Spencer came on the scene? Remember how she signed up for school and then skipped all her classes and encouraged Lauren to do the same? Just me, then?

The Hills