Pam has drafted Kelly and Ryan to help her with her wedding invitations -- or maybe just the save-the-date cards -- in the conference room. Obviously, she couldn't ask Kevin to help with something whose initials are STD. Ryan is mildly surprised that she's inviting Jim.

Dwight and Michael arrive at the convention hall, which is packed. As they make their way to their seats up front, the lights go down, the music goes up, and Dwight's pants go wet.

Angela pretends to be sick, and sneaks out for the day.

The convention emcee introduces Dwight, who just sits in his chair, hyperventilating limply. Michael decides to step up and cover for Dwight. Michael's "Good morning, Vietnam!" is much better than Dwight's, but it doesn't get a better reaction from the crowd. Michael introduces himself and ad-libs about humor in the workplace. Which, amazingly enough, he does without being remotely funny.

Time for Kevin's turn at the thermostat. "I always set it at 69," he cackles.

Back in the conference room, a required mention of Pam's wedding date -- June 10 -- leads to Kelly asking Ryan when he would like to get married. Ryan basically says never, and all the air goes out of the room. As does Kelly. When she's gone, Pam advises Ryan to be more sensitive. "I know what I said," Ryan grumps. I don't think he appreciates Pam setting him up like this.

Michael is awash in flopsweat, doing a bad impression of "the black guy from the Police Academy movies." Finally Dwight pulls himself together and runs up to the stage, to a polite round of applause. Which is probably less for Dwight's arrival than for Michael's departure. "That is a tough crowd," Michael warns Dwight as he yields the podium. Dwight pants fearfully into the microphone, then starts off with a bang. Four bangs, actually, as he pounds the podium and bellows, "Blood alone moves the wheels of history!" Waving and thumping his hands, he blathers about war and fighting, and actually gets a smattering of claps on one of his applause lines. "We are warriors!" he hollers, winning over everyone except Michael, who looks around in confusion. In the back, Angela is filming this through a camcorder. Dwight becomes more and more unhinged, the crowd gets more and more into it, and Michael sneaks right out.