Aaand, we're back. No teaser this week, just right into the familiar main titles, complete with Krasinski-shot Scranton B-roll. Once that's over, we get a title card that reads "Week 1 -- June 30." The conference room is the scene of a huge banquet containing all the most fattening foods you can imagine, up to and including a custard fountain. Michael talking-heads that Corporate is sponsoring a weight-loss contest, and the branch that loses the most weight wins three extra vacation days. Back in the conference room, Dwight puts a conclusive end to talk about leftovers -- and the banquet itself -- by spraying everything with Raid.
Everyone then heads down the warehouse for the official weigh-in. "Don't go breakin' my scale," Darryl warns. They couldn't if they tried. Andy THs that he wants to have washboard abs for the first time Angela sees him naked. Dwight offers everyone one last bite of éclair. "Hold it in your mouth, don't swallow." Jim smirks like he's the 12-year-old he is, because you know that's what she said. But Michael lets it go by, because he's standing right next to Holly and thus behaving himself. Darryl announces the collective starting weight: 2,336 pounds. Pam gets kicked off, because she won't be there next week, and she's already looking a little sad about her upcoming departure as the new weight turns out to be 2,210 pounds. There's a long pause while everyone does some math in their heads. Naturally, the chronically tact-challenged -- and math-challenged -- Kevin is the first to speak: "You weigh 226 pounds!" Pam is torn between wanting to set the record straight and just moving on. "Math is hard," Holly tells Kevin supportively. [Isn't Kevin an accountant? I know he's dim, but I thought he was at least good with numbers. - Zach]
On the second Monday, Stanley takes the stairs and shows off a photo of himself at his fighting weight -- almost literally, in a militant group in the '60s. And Holly is teaching a yoga class. After that lets out, Michael goes straight to the "being friends with Holly" class that Jim has apparently been teaching him. Michael's doing well, but he can't not talk about Holly's butt. Hopefully Jim will be grading on a curve.
Dwight replaces the vending machine crap with produce, with the help of a clawhammer. Delicious and nutritious.