Previously: aw, no Previously because my TiVo cock-blocked me and I had to catch a rerun. Basically, my TiVo was perfectly set to record the show -- starting early and stopping late to account for MTV's complete disregard of time -- and it looked at what it was about to record, and said, "Eh...no." So it didn't record. I would say that my TiVo displayed good taste (if a disquieting foreshadowing to the upcoming Rise of the Machines), but it did tape Pepper Dennis, so there really is no logic there.

Bridge. Water. Boat. Sailboat. Sunset. Couple. House. House. House. The phone rings. "Keith" calls for Paula; Zach snottily answers the call and goes to roust Paula from her shame spiral. Paula tells us that Keith is some dude she is dating or once dated on and off for about three years. His scarily dead voice tells us that getting to talk to her is the only thing that makes him "okay." Well, that and, according to his expectedly ugly, chaotic, and hard-to-read MySpace page, the following things also do it for him: Sam Adams, Jack Daniels, the Red Sox, the Redskins, Dane Cook, boozing, fires by the river, skiing, cooking, not shaving, carpentry, traveling, trucks, auto racing, baseball, football, playing pool, and forcing any visitor to listen to that annoying Imogen Heap song with the robot voices. Paula tells Keith that she was about to come in and call him. She camera-bones that they had a very passionate (abusive) relationship that was both good and bad (very abusive). He slurs that he can deal with her having insecurities and worries for the rest of their lives, but what he can't deal with is her not being in his life. She then reveals to us that, yup, their relationship was indeed emotionally and physically abusive, and that she took "it" because back then she was so low she thought she deserved it. As opposed to the rock of emotional health she is now. Keith leaves off with a creepy veiled threat, saying that even if she doesn't call him, she can be "damn sure" he's going to call her. Yikes. Someone call the police.

Kitchen. Svet and Paula cook. Paula reveals that all her friends hate Keith. Svet wonders why, and Paula says, "He put me in the hospital." Well, hey. That's not so bad. Who hasn't put a girl or five in the hospital? Perfectly normal. Perfectly healthy. It's great that Svet is advising her about this stuff -- Svet, with the scariest televised boyfriend this side of Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?

Paula camera-talks, on the verge of tears, that Keith "lost control," and that the only way she could "gain control" (which doesn't actually make sense as a sentence but whatever, she's upset, and she's Paula) was to call the cops on him; she got him arrested and took out a restraining order on him. Well, we see how effective that's been. As Svet massacres tomatoes, Paula tells her how Keith claimed not to remember beating her up later -- only remembering that he was "pissed." Svet says that if Martin ever touched her, she'd never talk to him again. Paula says that she felt that way at one point, too -- except her self-esteem is clearly so low she's abandoned that plan. Paula goes on to tell us, somewhat cryptically, that she wasn't talking to Keith for a while, but then he got in touch with her through a friend and she opened up the lines of communication, adding that she probably shouldn't have, because she'd be in a better place right now if she hadn't. Triple yikes! There is some low-talking, and then Paula basically tells us that her friends and family don't know she still talks to Keith because if they did, she'd have to convince them that it was okay, and she's not even sure it is. She compares Keith to a volcano which may or may never erupt. Like on the cover of Dianetics! (Which you should all buy because it will change your life! Xenu 4 Eva!)