From MTV's 10 Spot logo, we are thrust unwittingly onto a dim stage, where cacophonous harmony materializes into five shadowy figures. "All for Love," the figures sing, as a voice asks us, "Remember this group?" No. No, I can't say that I do. But the voice helpfully continues, "That's right, it's O-Town." O-No! We see a video of a song that says something about "Knock knock," and it actually sounds like it's maybe an okay song, but don't tell anyone that I said that. "And how hot is that pop star?" asks the voice, and I will grant that that pop star is somewhat hot, but only because his spiky hair combined with his delicate feminine features make him look kind of like a hot soft butch lesbian. "Before you answer," says the voice, "that's me."

The voice then introduces himself as "Ashley...Parker...Angel," and it is clear that he is in possession of the faggiest name ever. more so than "Jack Ennis Brokeback Butt Pirate Angel," even. He asks if we like his spiky hair, and before we can answer, he confesses that he didn't particularly care for it either. O-Town Ashley walks on the beach, appears on TRL, stands in front of screaming fans. Ashley says that O-Town had it all -- a #1 hit, a platinum album (which Clive Davis confirms), sold-out concerts, and their own TV show. Now, I knew about the TV show, but the #1 hit and platinum album threw me for a bit of a loop, there. It makes me a little sad about life. Ashley says that he was an international pop star, and then adds, "But you know what? It didn't last." And that is something for which we are all grateful, young Ash.

Ashley then asks, "So what's my life like now?," which I think is something that he should already know. The spiky-haired lesbionic Ashley morphs into that guy from the Goo Goo Dolls (in other words, he is sporting effeminate '90s hair which really frames his sculpted cheekbones), and once again answers his own question: "Let's just say...it's different." He says that the only girl screaming at him now is his pregnant girlfriend, and that the two of them are living in a tiny apartment with his girlfriend's mom. His O-Town money is long gone and he's down to his last few dollars. So go sell your body for profit as any other self-respecting person with your looks and effeminate hair would do! Sometimes it's so difficult for people to see the obvious answers to life's problems. But everything is not lost for Ashley, because he's "managed" to "score a record deal." Unfortunately, however, his producers -- who control all the money -- are treating him unfairly. I would actually love to hear their side of the story on this whole matter. He also says that he needs a manager. But, he adds with a smile, he should stop complaining, because at least he's getting a second chance. And this is his shtick. He's one of those people who's like, "I've been evicted and someone repossessed my car and I just discovered that I have oral herpes. But hey, things could be worse...at least I'm not a jaundiced amputee!" Just be bitter and mean and unappreciative like the rest of us, Mary Sunshine. We cut to the credits, which feature what I'm sure is an Ashley-penned song that appears to be called "The Soundtrack To Your Life." Of course.