On the way home, Ashley calls Tiffany and says that Barry whipped out his "checkbook" and wrote him a check for $10,000. Ashley says that he doesn't have to take the crap job. Yeah, no shit. When Ashley returns to the house, Scarlet gives him a big kiss on the lips. Huh. Everyone's excited.
The next thing we know, it's Ashley and Tiffany's two-year anniversary. They walk to the beach, and Ashley presents her with a giant card and begins to serenade her with a song that he wrote. Okay, this part is kind of cute and maybe I like Ashley a little and all of this noise is not his fault. The noise that is his fault, however, is the song he sings to Tiffany:
She was a Hollywood model living in L.A.
He was from a boy band and she thought he might be gay
But just one look was all it took and they were making out anyway
It's hard to believe sometimes that we've come so far
Two-year anniversary, baby, look at where we are
We fell in love, we got knocked up, and you're so beautiful it breaks my heart.
So happy anniversary, we're gonna start a family
You and I were just made for each other
And I'm so glad that you're gonna
Be my baby's mama
Tiffany tears up a little, perhaps because the rhyme of "other" and "gonna" was rendered with such heartbreaking sincerity, and says that she loves Ashley and that his song was so classic. Awww, those crazy kids just might make it. They gaze on a sunset where there is a boat, and Ashley says that by next year he's going to own a boat and they'll celebrate out at sea. I can hardly await the horrible accident that will befall them!
Next week on There and Back: Drama with Soul Power. Ashley and Tiffany hear the baby's heartbeat. Ashley gets new producers and eagerly awaits his foray into the world of creative expression, on account of how much he has to say. Repeat after me: HA HA HA HA.