There & Back
Ashley's Back

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Return Of The Grievous Angel

Back in real time, Ashley and Tiffany marvel over a glass-topped coffee table Jacob made. Jacob notes that its contents include a Michael Jackson hat Janie got him. The pet monkey squirms out of Jacob's arms and runs away at the mere mention of Michael Jackson, and if you know anything about the Neverland Ranch, you know why. It turns out that it was a hat Michael Jackson threw off the stage to the audience on the Bad tour. Ashley says that the hat has got to be worth some money. Ashley apparently doesn't watch the news or read the papers.

Jacob also seems to have an instrument-filled recording studio in his house. God knows why. Jacob calls it "where the magic happens," so I guess he's rented it out to a sorcerer for some extra income.

The boys sit together and marvel that it's been three years since they've seen each other. Ashley says that things seem the same, but different. Tiffany reminds him that he's having a baby. Ashley drones on about the trouble he's having with his producers. Nobody cares! Take off your shirt! Ashley says that he wants to hook up with some producers who will listen to his ideas. Bad news bears, right there. Jacob says that the thought of jumping back into that circus scares him. Uh-huh. He says that he's acting as his own production company, and would like to license his songs through a record company. Ashley and Tiffany think that's smart. I will be eagerly awaiting the hot-selling debut of solo artist Jacob Underwood.

Ashley talks more about the cutthroat record industry, and how he had to fight tooth and nail for every dollar, but was cajoled into signing the contract because he quite frankly didn't have too many other options on account of how bad he sucks. He was even getting eviction notices. Oh, come back and sob to me when you have a loan shark ready to cut off your thumbs, you puss. Ashley says that he spent all of his money and is broke. That was a stupid thing to do. Jacob says that, pet monkey and lovely house aside, he's in the same boat and has been doing construction. The horror! Jacob says that he likes construction, but would like to be able to do it "for fun" and not out of necessity. The player of the world's tiniest violin smashes it over Jacob's head and says, "Me too, asshole." It is just really hard for me to muster up sympathy for these crackers. Jacob and Ashley talk about the good old successful days when they were on tour and fellating Lou Pearlman, and agree that they took those days for granted.

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There & Back




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