There & Back

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Angel of the Morning (Wood)

The next day (ostensibly), a cobbled together voice-over has Ashley telling Tiffany that she and her mother are always ganging up on him. A cobbled together voice-over of Tiffany says that they're not. Actual filmed Tiffany then busts out with, "Mom saw you this morning at the refrigerator with morning wood." Ashley is taken aback and says that it was 5:30 in the morning. Tiffany replies that, nonetheless, her mother saw Ashley standing buck nekkid at the fridge. Tiffany laughs. Ashley is embarrassed. The story goes that Scarlet heard the fridge and thought it was Tiffany. She came into the kitchen, only to discover a naked Ashley sporting morning wood. Tiffany and Scarlet have a special relationship. If my mother ever spoke the words "morning wood" to me, I think I would die. Ashley says that he thought nobody would be up at 5:30 AM, so he made the fateful decision to forego clothes. Tiffany asks if he did, indeed, have morning wood and he says, "YEAH," as if there were another possible answer to that question. Oh, little boy, learn from your elders. Chuck Norris has morning wood 24 hours a day. Ashley says that he didn't expect Tiffany's mom to bust in on him all naked and stuff, and Tiffany says incredulously that it's not like Scarlet walked in on him in the bathroom with the morning wood. He was in the kitchen, which is indeed public domain. Nonetheless, it makes me think that Scarlet is kind of creepy. ["Well, honestly. Even if she 'thought it was Tiffany,' why did she have to get up and…preside over someone else…being…in the kitchen? Get a life, lady." -- Sars] Tiffany quoth, "You're standing at the refrigerator with a big HARD-ON!" She laughs. Ashley says that he's going to install a red warning light that he'll put on when he's walking around naked. Wait for Scarlet's claims of color blindness to surface.

A truly awful song that I'm left to surmise is sung/written by APA himself leads us to the next segment. It goes, "Hey hey guys, hey hey guys / What's the prize…" The prize, at least for me, is that this show is going to Permanent Hiatus. It's like the tilt-to-and-fro card at the bottom of the Cracker Jack box of the abyss that is There and Back: Ashley Parker Angel. As Ashley attempts to clean out the garage, his manager Larry Rudolph calls. Though I don't have substantial evidence on the matter, I think Larry Rudolph is kind of a scumbag. In any case, a meeting with Soul Power, the producers Ashley claims screwed him over, is imminent. Ashley wants to think about what he's going to say, because he's not good at confrontation. Larry says that it's a good opportunity for Ashley to resolve his differences with Soul Power. Ashley has a lot of anxiety about the meeting and is glad that Larry is going to be there. Larry says that he'll jump in if he sees any sweat on Ashley's brow. Oh. Stop. The anticipation is killing me.

There & Back

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