Next, Scarlet, Ashley, and Tiffany go to a place called The Birth Connection for an ultrasound. It looks like a midwifery-type place. The nurse/midwife says that the baby has a strong heartbeat. We then all see the fetus which, as all fetuses do, looks a lot like Leonardo DiCaprio. Ashley says that his mind is blown, and in all fairness his mind was also blown by an automatic door at the supermarket. The nurse/midwife then announces that the baby is a boy. Everyone cheers. I believe it is Scarlet who yells, "His wiener! His wiener!" Tiffany says that she knew it was a boy. Ashley looks further at the fetus penis and yells, "Those are the goods!" Scarlet, creepier by the minute, bandies about the term "jewels." Ashley is proud that the baby's got "the goods." Scarlet says that they're not too hard to see, and Ashley of course must add that the baby is well-endowed like his daddy. No offense, but heterosexuals kind of skeeve me out sometimes.

Next thing we know, Ashley and his guitar and his black car and his creepy scumbag manager are walking into a meeting and preparing for the episode's final Shakespearean Aside:

"I've gotta be honest. I had no idea what was gonna happen to me after I left Soul Power. I didn't know when or how I was gonna find another producer. [looks heavenward] Then out of the blue my manager hooks me up with The Matrix! Somehow I've ended up with the best! Their music is awesome! They've worked with everyone from Avril to Korn. I really hope this works out."

Ladies and gentlemen: fiction.

Also, I think I've figured out exactly what's going on here. There is only one rational explanation for the fact that Ashley Parker Angel has his own show, and a record deal, and a production team named the same thing that he wanted to name himself when he was in the fifth grade. Yes, my friends, I'm afraid that we are all part of some alternate reality that Ashley Parker Angel has liquid dreamed. So don't be alarmed when your discover that you've named your firstborn "Decrescendo" and your O-pod erases everything except "The Soundtrack to Your Life" and it starts to snow ice cream.