Third Watch
A Rock And A Hard Place

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A Rock And A Hard Place

Well, Omar G. had to flee to the nation's capital for "management training," so he asked me to step in this week on America's best night of television that isn't Thursday, Wednesday, or Tuesday. I type, and Omar "trains." He didn't say what he's learning to manage. It could be tattoo management for all we know.

Last time on Third Watch, Bosco got reamed out by the new sergeant, Sully got ass from a Ukranian temptress, Faith got to hug her kids, and Kim got nostalgic for quieter days. I got to the final level of "Super Mario Bros. 3" on Nintendo. Then I got an e-mail from my mother asking what, indeed, my life has become.

At 5 PM in New York City, the Goodyear Blimp is providing NBC with aerial footage of busy streets because, well, that XFL contract isn't terribly lucrative and the pilots need to put food on the table. Doc and Carlos are tending to a panting man who collapsed on the street corner. They reassure him it wasn't a stroke, but the man still wants to know if he's dying. "We're all dying, sir," Carlos says, teeming with ineptitude. Carlos, I think I see a small child across the street with a dog -- perhaps you could point out that even fluffy puppies can be killers. The man continues to pant, and explains he's nervous because he's due to give a speech that evening. Doc helpfully points out that he's hyperventilating. The actor playing Panting Man is Michael Sabatino, who has done time on Days of our Lives. He looks a bit haggard -- not like when he was in his prime and his evil aunt buried the love of his life alive and piped audio into the coffin.

Bosco and Faith pull up at the streetcorner. He's hungry for Chinese chicken, and oddly, he doesn't mean that as some tacky epithet for a woman. "I'm missing my daughter's birthday because you're jonesing for Chinese chicken?" Faith barks. Bosco contends this is damn good chicken, and they bicker. It turns out Faith was denied time off for the party because Sgt. Doogie Bateman is a festering asshole and is making Bosco miserable by pissing off Faith.

As Doc and Carlos finish working with Panting Man, Faith and Bosco approach and make sure everything is fine. Panting Man insists he doesn't need hospital treatment, and that's good enough for Bosco: "I got a date with Chinese chicken." Wait, maybe it is a euphemism. Doc and Carlos pack up the ambulance, and Doc begins to radio the dispatcher to alert them of their whereabouts. Suddenly, a homeless woman hails them and begs that they follow her down an alley. Faith uses her deductive reasoning to determine that this might be a "situation," and she gestures for Doc, Carlos, and Bosco to follow her. Bosco is hungry. On so very many levels.

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Third Watch

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