Third Watch
A Rock And A Hard Place

Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!
A Rock And A Hard Place

Credits. This cast seems really large to me, for some reason. That might be due to the fact that my last regular gig, Deadline, involved recapping Oliver Platt and then a few other people who changed week to week.

After the credits, the gang flocks to Doc's side -- Faith's bullet, made of metal, has indeed bounced off the door, also metal, and into Doc's stomach, which is decidedly unmetallic. Physics winks at me and dances like a gloater who's just eaten a bologna and melted-gloat sandwich with gloat-flavored potato chips. Doc is lying on garbage bags full of soda cans. Faith totally freaks and Doc snaps at her for shooting him, and you know, he's got a point. Yokas remembers the homeless woman and figures she'll know they're trapped, but her hopes are dashed by a sheepish Bosco. He doesn't relay his snide exchange with her, but nonetheless gets across that the woman would really enjoy (a) pouring coffee down one of Bosco's orifices, or (b) leaving them there to rot. Slowly, they start to realize it could be ages before anyone notices their absence. Bosco decides to look for a crowbar, ideally so someone can use it to bash in his thick skull, and he stumbles upon a big honkin' stash of heroin. Using every deductive reasoning skill in his possession, Bosco announces that the drugs must belong to the two thugs from the earlier shootout. Way to go, Bosco! That G.E.D. is well within reach, buddy. He and Faith then decide to hunt for an alternate escape route, leaving Carlos to doctor Doc, because he can see he's burning, burning. Oh my God, I've channeled the Thompson Twins. Bosco acts skittish about the darkness.

Doc bravely says he'll be fine and silently rejoices that the "Brave Little Camper" trophy is now officially a lock -- until Carlos confesses that he didn't have time to call the dispatcher, so the station is unaware that they're missing and wouldn't know where to look anyway. That puts Doc in a sour mood. That, and all the blood flowing from his body.

At the office, Sully gets assigned to security duty for a Wu Tang Clan concert. Whatever. I think this is supposed to showcase distaste for Sully and Bosco -- who also gets nominated for a crap assignment -- but the whole thing is confusing and pointless. Just like a circular pencil.

At the firehouse, a Dalmatian wonders where the other hundred went and "Never the Same Girl Twice" plays on the stereo -- which is fine, but a waste, as Bosco isn't even in this scene. Kim is cleaning the refrigerator, Bobby stares at the alarm and silently wishes it would blare, and the entire staff goes a little stir-crazy. Someone mentions Carlos and Doc being missing-in-action. Jimmy, who just misses action, thinks they're fair game for some healthy pranking. "What are you gonna do, screw all their girlfriends?" mutters Alex under her breath. Kim grins. Aw. It's When Fantasies Collide. Jimmy talks about house hunting with his absent wife, and Alex tries to deflect an eager Bobby and his grand ideas about romantic dinner plans for the next night. To get away, she grabs the guy who's been winning the headstand contests and tells him she's ready to play. He calls her "the final frontier," and while Bobby fantasizes about her front, Alex accepts the challenge.

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Third Watch




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