Third Watch
History Of The World

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Nicole: C+ | Grade It Now!
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History Of The World

So the show starts out with Doc and Carlos sitting outside the station, and three women walk by wearing miniskirts, and Carlos is all, "Oh, good morning legs!" and I'm all, "Oh, good morning annoying machismo!" And then Carlos makes some comment about how long legs are getting. No, Carlos, that is because you have been living in the gutter, and everything looks bigger when you're looking up. Then he talks about how you can put shoes on them and put stockings on them. Last time I checked, you put shoes on feet, not legs, but I digress. Doc comments that you can also "take the stockings off" and Carlos is all shocked that Doc made a sexual reference regarding women, and Doc tells him that he notices women but just doesn't shoot his mouth off. Tell him, Doc! Carlos asks Doc if he goes out. Doc tells him that if he found the right woman, he would. Carlos tells Doc that keeping his wedding ring on is keeping him from being a "babe magnet," and Doc tells him that he'll let Carlos be the babe magnet. Yeah, because Carlos has been attracting women like flies to shit lately, and Doc just can't compete. Oh, wait a minute, Carlos hasn't been able to get a woman to look at him without her giving him the stink-eye since the show started. Forget what I just said about him being a babe magnet -- he is more like a babe repellent.

A drunk guy is wobbling in the middle of a busy street. He is wearing the top of a tuxedo, boxers, shoes, and socks with those straps so they stay up. Do people still wear those sock straps, or is it something that old people just wear because back in their day that's what they did and they liked it that way? So the drunk old man is singing show tunes, and there are cars flying past him. Bobby and Kim come over and talk to some people trying to get the old man off the street, and they find out that the man's name is Mr. Lipman and that he is usually a nice old man, and he has no family. Bobby tries to go out into the street to get Mr. Lipman, and a car flies by him, and Bobby does his best Ratso Rizzo impersonation and yells out, "I'm walkin' here!" Meanwhile, cars are still driving fast, even by New York City traffic standards, and they are swerving around Mr. Lipman, and finally to prevent a huge pileup all the cars stop. Lipman climbs up onto the hood of an SUV and starts singing. Bobby and Kim try to get him down, and he says that he will get down if they sing with him. So Kim, Bobby, and everyone on the street start singing some song from Cabaret and Bobby climbs up onto the SUV and grabs Lipman and Bobby and Kim walk him to the sidewalk. Happy Thanksgiving!

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