Third Watch

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Mama...Just killed a man...

Doc gets out of the ambulance and is greeted by Alex Taylor, she of the former sexual-harassment history and now Bobby's lawsuit-waiting-to-happen. Jimmy, he of the big pecs, big grin and cheating penis, is also there. Alex explains that they were in the neighborhood on a false alarm. Doc brushes them away and says he and "WonderBrainBoy" Carlos can take it from here. In fact, Doc is pretty flippant about it.

Going up the stairs, Doc bitches even more that the reason The Bucket Boys arrive first is so they can say they're first on the scene and beef up their budgets to get more expensive toys. Doc knocks on a door where people inside are arguing in Spanish. He goes on about how the firefighters have five times the budget that EMS does. You know, first he goes on and on about how much real estate agents make and now he's going on about firefighter budgets. Why don't you just quit your job and become an accountant already, Doc? Carlos counters by saying that if he's in a fire, he wants the biggest, baddest toys his tax money can buy. Inside, the arguing is growing more heated. Doc gets fed up and yells "immigration!" in Spanish (trust me: It doesn't sound all that different). The fighting escalates even more and suddenly we're outside and a guy is thrown or jumped out of a window where he flops onto a canopy and then onto the street below. He lands on some Christmas trees. Jimmy calls Doc on the radio and says that "some guy just jumped out of the window."

At the hospital, this non-plot is summed up by Carlos saying, "How was I supposed to know the guy was going to jump?" He asks Doc to grab some Christmas cookies from the nurses' stash. A nurse at the desk asks Doc if Carlos has been stealing their cookies. This is about as interesting as watching paint dry on the wall of an insurance convention that's in recess due to a bout of mass narcolepsy. Come on, people, let's pick up the pace! Yokas makes a brief, but spectacular appearance to liven up the episode by bitching about -- what else? -- Bosco, who is chatting up a sports agent they arrested. She walks off, and my last hope that this might be a great episode is shot to hell. The nurse threatens Doc, saying she'll cut off Carlos's hand and feed it to the tropical fish if he steals any more cookies. The Third Watch writers were really on to something when they came up with the "stolen-cookie subplot." That's Emmy material, guys.

Doc is walking down the street and he is stopped by a woman who will spend the rest of the episode wearing no makeup, but it's okay because she's super actress Khandi Alexander (Newsradio, The Corner) and she doesn't need it. "Monte?" She calls after him. "Monte Parker?" Hee hee. Doc is "Monte." He recognizes her as a woman named Beverly. She says she's around the hospital because her father has colon cancer. That's funny because I get an assy itch whenever one of these single-character episodes focuses on Doc. She's been living in Detroit but is back in town to help out. "So you're a paramedic?" she asks. He says he has been for fifteen years. "I've been meaning to call," Beverly says. For, what, fifteen years? She asks if she can call him now. Doc says he'll call her. Oh, the brush-off. Yeah. You go, Doc. Beat those women back with a stick. Doc walks off right into the arms of stupidity as Carlos asks about the woman. "Woman I knew back in high school," Doc says. Carlos asks -- and these quote marks mean I'm quoting here -- "Did you get some of that back in the day?" Sigh...I want so desperately for Carlos to demonstrate that he has half a brain. But, alas...

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Third Watch




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