Third Watch
The Self-Importance Of Being Carlos

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Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Welcome to Hell. We Have an Entire Wing Devoted to You.

Our dear Carlos is next. And instead of thinking about the scene at hand -- where he's helping someone on the ground -- he's instead looking at an attractive girl who bears a striking resemblance to Maya Rudolph, formerly of City of Angels. ["She's on Saturday Night Live now." -- Wing Chun] "That girl is hot," Carlos thinks. "Would you look at her ass?" Fine, if you insist. She's wearing leather pants and leaning over talking to someone. Carlos muses that if Jennifer Lopez and Janet Jackson had a love child, "it'd be that chick." Such a mystery is the mind of modern man. Carlos is suddenly upset, because he thinks Doc is showing off by saving a guy's life. Carlos starts trying to get Doc's attention by making medical small talk to impress the woman. Doc's not impressed. The great foreshadowing Bird of Lame swoops in to declare this scene, "Awwk! Stupid!"

Luckily, the scene's over. At the hospital, Carlos and Doc are standing at a nurse's station. Carlos is leaning in, all intense, focusing his gaze on the pretty nurse before him. He says she's "girl-next-door kinda hot." Then he says the woman would be the love child of Helen Hunt and Mary Tyler Moore ("when she was still hot") and that nice, sweet women are hot. Right now, a fire hydrant in a Wonderbra would be hot to Carlos. Carlos muses that he should throw this young lass some attention. He winks crudely. The nurse asks him whether there's something wrong, because he got all squinty-eyed and may have a headache. "No, I'm good," Carlos says, and then is impressed that she was concerned he might have a headache. Carlos is happy to rent a condo on Planet Deluded.

At the station, Carlos is studying at the dinner table while Doc and Jimmy talk about ideas for supper. Carlos complains -- in his now familiar and incredibly grating inner monologue -- that he's tired of hearing the constant non-conversation of his fellow employees. There is one tiny funny moment when Carlos wiggles his eyes and thinks, "Duy." "Duy" is funny no matter who says, it most of the time. Carlos speculates on whether his co-workers have a life, or whether they lock themselves in oxygen chambers at night. He gets interrupted in mid-stupidity by a question he didn't hear. He answers, "No," and when the others ask whether he was listening, he goes on a little tirade about how he's studying and doesn't have time for their stupid conversation. Turns out they were talking about their recently deceased buddy Bobby. Oops. A call suddenly comes in, distracting everyone from his huge faux pas. "Saved by the bell," Doc says, as they all walk off.

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Third Watch

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