Third Watch
The Self-Importance Of Being Carlos

Episode Report Card
Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
Welcome to Hell. We Have an Entire Wing Devoted to You.

Lieutenant Lewis, who drones on, tells the group they have a problem, and that this course will teach them to be sensitive. I yawn. Bosco starts to say what the teacher's going to say before he says it. Lewis gets upset -- even more so when Carlos interrupts some more and tells the teacher, "I really shouldn't be here." Oh great, a "rebel in the class" cliché scene. Somebody wake me when it's over. The teacher tells Carlos he may be excused from the class if, in the next session, he can demonstrate compassion and make up for rudely interrupting the class. Smells like a trap to me. Oh, that wily Bogosian!

Next thing, Carlos is at a table at the diner, drinking coffee, writing down a dictionary definition of compassion. He isn't satisfied, and crumpled up the paper, throwing it to the ground As he writes, a young waitress in tight leather pants walks by, picks up the litter, bending over. "Ai, Chihuahua," he thinks. Okay, that's it! This officially sucks. I can't take it! This is awful!

Voice of God: Omar, just recap the damn show, okay? The sooner you do, the sooner we can shut it off, erase the tape, and pretend it never happened.
Omar: You watch Third Watch, too?
God: I have to watch everything. I'm a deity. So quit yer bitchin', okay?
Omar: Sorry, God.
God: S'all right. Get to work.

The waitress gets up and throws the litter on the table. "Hey," Carlos says. I pray. Hard.

In class, Carlos delivers his stirring oratory on "compassion." Except he has none, so it's a little like Martha Stewart writing about dirt biking. His bone-dry essay, containing plenty of Webster's definitions, is met with stone silence from the class. Bogosian, however, has no problem shooting Carlos down. "Well, that was certainly clinical," he begins. Bogosian tells Carlos that compassion is not about book knowledge. "It's not just here," he says pointing to his temple. "It's also here," he says, pointing to his heart. Man, dude, I know SubUrbia didn't do so well at the box office, but is this level of slumming really necessary? Bogosian tells the class that sensitivity training will help when they're evaluated by their superiors. Carlos suddenly realizes that Doc is his supervisor, and hates him. Welcome to Shitsville, Carlos. I'm sure you'll rise to the post of Mayor soon.

Kim and Jimmy. Kim is bringing up the taboo subject: that Bobby died in the last episode. Wow, you mean the whole episode won't be goofy comic relief with Carlos? Kim fidgets with some thread from her white socks. She babbles to Jimmy that it was good for her to come back to work and not take too much time off, concluding, "I'm over it." Yeah, right. Jimmy doesn't believe it, either. Kim changes her tune. Instead of "I'm over it," she says she'll never be over it: "But I'm getting beyond it." Whatever, Kim. You're still annoying. Kim says that she surprises herself with how good she's doing. While digging for some stuff to make tea, Jimmy finds some caffeine pills. He asks Kim about them, but she fidgets some more and just says she's had trouble sleeping and needs the pills to get through the day. Bad news: this portends an extended drug addiction storyline and an all-Kim episode. Good news: that's the last we'll see of her in this episode.

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