Third Watch
Unleashed (2)

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Heathen: B- | Grade It Now!
Susan and Chloe, Part II

Dr. Susan "If John Edward Can Do It, Then So Can I" Lewis sits stiffly on her usual bench in the 55th Precinct. She'll miss that bench when she crosses back over to ER and has to stand around sobbing for a dead bald man with strange lips. Bosco and Yokas enter, prodding a passel of arrestees so that they'll march right on into the interrogation room, or wherever they put dirty, shifty extras who got paid decent money to shuffle around and let their pupils dilate. "Move faster, or I'll put my foot up your ass," growls Bosco. He manhandles a dude who'd dropped down next to Susan, throwing him in the correct direction. Susan peers warily up at Bosco. He meets her eye. "What?" he asks, defensive. "Any sign of my niece?" she asks nervously, Suzy's stuffed toy sitting next to her on the bench. Bosco shakes his head, allowing her a glimpse of his actual regret at this fact, and then leaves. Susan looks put-off. The credits pounce on this and roll with abandon.

A big lug of an officer named John "Oafish Protector With a Heart of Gold" Sullivan rolls awake to the sound of shattering porcelain. Grabbing his gun from the bedside table, he vows to teach that no-good stinking toilet a lesson. But when he inches out of the bedroom, a female voice calls out an apology. Sully enters the kitchen in shock and discovers the familiar face of Tatiana, his Ukranian bride, who'd fled his life when a crime lord from her country started getting all up in her shit. "I break a dish," she says pleasantly. "I want to surprise you. I was making eggs." Tatiana, for all you ER fans out there, reminds me of a slightly less edgy Randi. She's young and pretty. Sully gapes at her. "I miss you so much," she offers sweetly with a smile. Sully still can't think of anything to say. He looks as if he's searching his mind for the right words, or perhaps asking himself the universal question that so often plagues us all in times of confusion: What Would Cliff Huxtable Do?

Apparently, Cliff Huxtable would cut away to a new scene and throw on a Barenaked Ladies CD. Jimmy "Scorching Hot Hottie With A Heart of Gold" Whatever (Eddie Cibrian, of The Young and the Restless, Sunset Beach, and But I'm a Cheerleader ["and the boy band 3Deep" -- Wing Chun]) plays the song "If I Had a Million Dollars" while he activates the toaster. His son Joey roots around under the bed and finds treasure. I can't actually tell what it is -- it looks metallic and sharp, and I'm hoping it's not a knife because I don't want Jimmy to fail at fatherhood here, since he's going to be fathering a few of my children soon. When the Pop-Tarts bolt out of the toaster, as steaming hot as Jimmy himself, Joey drops whatever he picked up and wriggles out from under the bed so his father can toss him a tart. Ha ha. I said "tart." And I meant it. Cut to a cute scene in which father and son brush their teeth together and sing along, off-key, with the song. Then Joey helps Jimmy find his socks, and finally Jimmy stands and surverys the messy wreck that is his apartment. "Guess what we're doing tonight?" he grins. "Look at that -- we're cleaning this house." Joey cheerfully suggests getting a maid. "What, you think I've got a million dollars?" grins Jimmy. Aw. Cheesy, but cute. They leave together.

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Third Watch




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