Lost

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The End. With Questions.

Grizzly Jack is slumped on the floor of an apartment carpeted entirely in maps, atlases, compasses, and crap cognac bottles. Fire your decorator! He has a cell phone and he is about to drunk dial. And even though I just recommended firing your decorator, don't do it while you are completely blotto. In fact: Drunk Dialing: Don't Do It!!! Seriously, Gentle Readers, if there is only one thing you take away from this incredibly long recap let it be this: Do Not Drunk Dial. Do Not Let Your Friends Drunk Dial. Only bad things can happen. Learn from my mistakes. Grizzly Jack totally ignores my advice. He dials and says, "Hello, it's me. Wait. Wait. Please don't hang up. I know what you said, but I need to see you. Please. Yeah, I'll be at the airport. You know where. Thank you." Any time you have to start a phone call with "Please don't hang up," andyou're three sheets to the wind, just hang up the phone and deny, deny, deny that you ever made a call. Get a new phone. Get a new number. Just don't admit it was you.

Grizzly Jack continues to ignore my advice (probably because I made fun of his beard, Mr. Sensitive) and he drives his Jeep to the runway outside the airport fence and waits. A car drives up behind him. He stumbles out and waits for the driver to come out of the darkness. The shadows part and Kate, a clean, glowy, Breck girl of a Kate, emerges. She sizes him up and smiles at him, "Hey, I saw you on the news. Still pulling people out of burning wreckage?" He sort of laughs and mumbles something about old habits. She says, "You look terrible." He laughs. She asks, "Why did you call me, [Grizzly] Jack?" He pulls the Mystery Snippet out of his pocket and hands it to her. As she reads it he says, "I was hoping that you'd heard and maybe you'd go to the funeral." She looks confused, "Why would I go to the funeral?" Grizzly Jack realizes he was wrong and changes the subject, "I've been flying a lot. You know the Golden Pass that they gave us? I've been using it. Every Friday night I fly from Tokyo or Singapore or Sydney." He laughs. "Then I get off, have a drink, and then I fly home." Kate asks, "Why?" Jack snerks, "Because I want it to crash, Kate. I don't care about anyone else on board. Every little bump we hit or turbulence...I actually close my eyes and I pray that I can get back." Kate looks upset, "This is not going to change." Jack says he is sick of lying. Kate is crying. Jack continues, "We made a mistake." Kate has tears streaming down her face but says, "I have to go. He's going to be wondering where I am." Jack grabs her and pulls her close like a drunken uncle talking about the WTC conspiracy, "We were not supposed to leave." Kate pulls back, "Yes, we were. Goodbye, [Grizzly] Jack." She turns to leave and he yells after her, "We have to go back Kate!" She gets in her car and drives off, leaving him there still yelling, "We have to go back, Kate. We have to go back!" And I know I've used this line before, but, seriously, can someone tell me whether mindfuck has a hyphen? 'Cause I really need to know.

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Lost

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