Last week on Survivor: The tribes merged. Idiot Seanvant and Jenna got bored playing ambassador and started a healthy game of doctor. Pagong joined Tagi at their beach, Greg held his breath for a long time, and Gretchen's farewell broke our hearts.
It's Day Twenty-Two on the island. Idiot Seanvant tries for J. Crew but is more International Male as he strolls down the beach in his carefully rolled pants. He tells us it was somber and a "very strange vote" last night. We cut to a confessional of Jenna, who says, "Last night it looks [sic] like there was a conspiracy. And maybe I'm being paranoid and I didn't wanna believe it, but four people from Tagi voted for Gretchen, I think." You think? We then see a sad shot of Gretchen from last week. Hi Gretchen! We miss you and we love you and we've forgiven you for voting for Rudy! Idiot Seanvant says, "The bloodbath has begun," and that strategy is now the only good reason to vote people off. I'm wondering what the good reasons were before; say, voting by shoe size? by who has the next birthday? alphabetically? The editors use feet footage to attempt to create suspense. It doesn't work. Greg points out to Gervase that Gretchen didn't like the voting part of Survivor but preferred the survival part, which is exactly what I said last week. I'm not sure if it's a good thing to be on the same wavelength as Greg. Gervase tells us, "At first sight it looks like they, uh, just picked Gretchen off," and I wonder what it looks like at second or third sight.
We are treated to a random shot of very torture-chamber-looking rattan tree, which is supposed to be symbolic of something. As Greg sticks his entire arm down the water hole, Idiot Seanvant tells Gervase and Greg in a very convoluted way that his "former team" voted off Gretchen because she was the leader. We then cut to Richard who says, "She had to go," because "she was a threat." Idiot Seanvant tries to make sure Gervase and Greg know he's not a member of the Three-Headed Beast (or is it the One-Headed-Three-Assed Beast?). He tells them the "duplicity" was particularly bad because people befriended her and then voted her off anyway. Were they supposed to ignore her and then vote her off? Greg sounds irritated with the brainless person whose profession is to diagnose, counsel, and cure, and responds, "Yea, that's the game. If you wanna play that way." Kelly's all defensive in her confessional when she says, "This is a game. Don't take it personally. You know, people came here to make, you know, bosom buddies and, you know, lifelong friends. They should have gone to summer camp." I hate to say it, but she has a point, and she does look really upset as she says it. Gervase say that if it happens again, "[You] can say for sure there's an alliance," and if so he's "more determined than ever to bust that plan up and still kill 'em all and win, you know?" Which sounds more psychotic than competitive; is that how he advises his youth basketball team? I bet they don't have to even compete, they just charm the other team into losing. Jenna tells us that Tagi has five votes to Pagong's four and "whether [we] see it or not," they can "pick us all off one by one." Why wouldn't they see it?