MONDO EXTRAS

On to Roman Holiday, with a lousy excuse for Gregory Peck on a motor bike with the lousy excuse for Hepburn. The less said about this the better, since the scene we are treated to is fraught with Jennifer Love's squeals and giggles.

Ma Hepburn tells Hepwitt that the papers are saying she's having an affair with Peck and that she has to watch how she acts from now on. Hepwitt holds her first press conference and meets Mel Ferrer, a.k.a. Will from Will and Grace. Hepwitt travels to Paris (more stock footage) to shop at Gee-von-shee for her character in Sabrina. M.Givenchy thinks Katharine Hepburn has come to his fashion house and is surprised to see Hepwitt. He recovers quickly and says, "Please forgeeve me, zey told me Miz Hepbairn, zee feelm star, was coming to zee me. Who would have known zere were two sich luuvly weemen?" Think Pepe le Peu crossed with the Swedish Chef to get an accurate reading of yet another horrible accent. He had one line! Couldn't he get through it without sounding like a cartoon? A little personal fashion show commences with Hepwitt as the center of attention. She complains about her long neck to Monsieur, who says, "There eez no sich thing as tew long!" Monsieur is enchanté with Mademoiselle Hepwitt's grace and beauty and I am having TOYL flashbacks from the Thanksgiving episode. Garçon, bring me a Valium, and put some gin in it too!

On the set of Sabrina, Hepwitt is entranced by a very married William Holden (do I even need to say how awful this newest mimicker of old Hollywood is?) who twirls her, swings her, and gets her whisky. Hepwitt giggles and squeals her way through it all while some fat man watches from the sidelines. Holden kisses her, and Hepwitt slinks away, telling him she's never been kissed by a married man in the middle of a party. She says she has to get away while she still can but gives him a come-hither look over her shoulder. Curse Jennifer Love for making Hepburn out to be such an outrageous tease! I would also like to add that I rewatched the real Sabrina this weekend as a palate "klinser," and there is a part where Audrey Hepburn herself says, "I hate girls that giggle all the time." I don't think I need to say any more.