Romy the Star-Struck Platypus shows up at a rehearsal and approaches a mini-Tom Cruise. "Excuse me, I'm supposed to check in with the director's assistant," she says. "That's me," Mini-Tom Cruise tells her, his eyes glued to an argument happening near the stage. Platypus puffs herself up and says, "Oh, well, I'm Romy Sullivan and I'm understudying the role of --" Mini-Tom Cruise interrupts her, "Can you hang on a second?" and turns his attention back to the argument. One guy says, "The production looking for backers at the eleventh hour is not a promising prospect!" Platypus, who has short-term memory problems, asks Mini-Tom Cruise, "What's going on?" Mini-Tom Cruise forcefully shushes her. The argument continues as the other guy says, "Look, what do you want me to do? I'm working on it, okay?" The first guy, who we can safely assume is the director, says, "Okay, okay," and turns to everyone. "As you may have gathered, we are having a problem with one of our backers, which means finances will be tight, but it will not, I repeat not have any affect on the mounting of this production. There may be fewer support people around and the construction of the set could be delayed. Anyway, all of the understudies, please report to Aaron and take five." Platypus turns to Mini-Tom Cruise, "So I guess I am supposed to check in with you." "Right, Romy Sullivan," Mini-Tom Cruise says, "we can't afford to keep you on payroll during rehearsals. Previews start in four weeks, so will you. Make sure the office has your number and we'll see you then." Mini-Tom Cruise walks away and Platypus looks sad.
This next scene is such a metaphor for the whole damn show. Empty room, no one's watching at the screens, and a toilet flushes at the end. The launch of www.plumberspal.com is one massive failure. In what looks like a chi-chi coffee bar, individual islands with CRT displays showcase Spencer's website -- an exploding toilet. Oh, the irony! The irony! The one member of the press shows up and wants to ask Spencer questions about his breakup with Leia. He asks who cheated on whom. Spencer won't dignify his question with a response and tells him he's busy. "Could've fooled me," the guy says, "check yourself in my column," and leaves. For the fashion-conscious, Sarah is natted up in a black leather skirt, looking very much like one of the less attractive fauna in the Book of Revelations. She asks how bad all this is in the long run, and MBTVers are just going to love his response: "This business is all about buzz. Who's going to get the fifty million in seed money from the venture capitalist, who's got the biggest IPO. ["IPO! IPO! IPO!" "Dude, decaf." Sorry, I love that commercial.] You're cold, it's the same thing as being dead. It doesn't matter how good an idea it is and I don't even know how good an idea it really is." Blah blah blah self-pitycakes. Too bad Entertainment Weekly, TIME, US News, et cetera don't find his site as tasty as ours. Sarah tells him she's not the "bad guy here" since she was responsible for staffing the whole thing at the last minute, and Spencer apologizes. There's the sound of a toilet flushing. I'm not even kidding.
Hey, over in New Zealand, Robitussin is recommended by "Dr. Mum." That's so great.