Ninety-five minutes away from insanity, I've got a full tank of gin, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and I'm wearing sunglasses. Hit it.
Major props to klaxon in deepest, darkest New Zealand for making it possible for me to bring the dinnerlicious antics of Jennifer Love Hewitt to you.
As we all know, one of the last episodes showed Sarah "Twitch Face" Merrin gettin' freaky with Spencer over the Internet while pretending to be his supermodel girlfriend. This little matchmaking ploy succeeded in patching up a rough spot between Spencer and Leia, while at the same time making her jones for Spencer. What is a Neutrogena girl to do? Read on to find out.
Klaxon missed the first fifteen minutes, but was able to patch it all together for me in a mini-summary. What we missed wasn't much. Romy the Platypus, after flapping a bit over the fact that her agent won't put her up for theatre jobs, has decided to get a new agent because she wants to go for a theatre part that she's just perfect for. I guess they finally decided to make Frog And Toad Are Friends into a play. While at Sarah's apartment "for some spurious plot contrivance reason," as klaxon put it, Spencer manages to see that Sarah is not only signed on, but her name matches that of Princess "Long-Legs" Leia. I imagine Sarah sputters out some stupid explanation, but klaxon says that Spencer yells at her and storms out. Leaving Sarah hugging her capacious dinners and feeling sorry for herself, I'm sure. Later, his burning loins get the better of him and Spencer comes back over. He apologizes, admitting that since he had been opening up to Sarah all along and not to Leia, his body (burning loins and all), heart, and soul belong to her. Since Sarah cannot deny her changeable-as-Dennis-Rodman's-hair emotions, they kiss.
Platypus hauls up her slacks to Sarah about going after what you want instead of wasting time mooning about it. Sarah listens to her (for a change) and is inspired to be selfish. Well, you could've knocked me down with a feather. Sarah, disregarding all others around her and making sure that she gets exactly what she wants? I wouldn't have believed it if klaxon hadn't written it down in black and white. To further show how much more self-involved she is than we originally thought, Sarah tells Scraggle that they have to stop sleeping together as friends, because she's seeing someone. "Sleeping together as friends"? Wasn't that a missionary position already filled by Joss? In her love hangover, Sarah ignores how hurt Scraggle is, instead telling him that she needs to get serious about singing and wants him to scour all his contacts for her. Do you know what I think she needs to get serious about? Catching a life-long bout of laryngitis. How many more times is she going to screw with Scraggle's feelings until he takes out an AK-47 and blows her skinny ass to Poland? Wouldn't that make a great episode? "The Time She Got What She Deserved." Meanwhile, over email, Spencer offers to take Sarah to Balthazar's, and Sarah bounces over to Scraggle Rock's shoppe as Otis Redding's "I've Been Loving You Too Long" plays. Scraggle asks her if she's busy that evening, and Sarah tells him she has a date. Scraggle tells her that's too bad, because as he was chewing the fat with his music friends at The Cherry Picker ("it's this musician hangout"), he mentioned that he had friend who was a really great singer looking for a gig. Are we still talking about Sarah here? Apparently, some guy named Spud ("Don't ask," Scraggle says) is in this band called Youthful Offenders, and they are looking for a singer. "But since you have a date --" Scraggle says dismissively. Sarah squawks her contradiction, "Uh, Maguire, I can push my date till later. Of course, this is more important, Spencer will understand." Scraggle looks at her, "That's the guy? What did you call him, Mr. Stick Up His Butt?" Sarah says that was before she got to know him. Yeah, "know him" in the Internet Biblical sense. "Weird. Huh?" Sarah says. "That's one word for it," Scraggle snipes and walks away. Sarah looks chagrined. She's probably worried that if she keeps treating Scraggle like so much horse pucky, he won't finesse his contacts for her. Selfish cow.