You could never sell Benadryl in the US with a "Chesty" formula. But call it the "Dinners" Formula and no one outside of MBTV and my family would be the wiser. Yeah, and I don't think they could get away with a rugby team being called the "All Blacks" here, either.
Platypus finds out that the role she schemed to audition for was given to a soap star, but in a sudden twist of plot fate, she is paged by her former agent (you remember her, Arnetta "Wanna be Joey Tribbiani's agent Estelle" DeCaffrey), who tells Platypus to stop giving her number out to people. Platypus demands to know who called, and Arnetta tells her Jeffrey Woodruff's office. Arnetta told them she no longer represents Platypus and didn't bother to find out what they wanted, "because I don't work for ten percent of nothing!" and then she hangs up on Platypus's stunned ears.
Sarah complains about there not being any jobs out there for which she is qualified, and Spencer hands her some more bad news: Leia won't be coming back for another ten days. Sarah whines that it's as if Leia knows what's going on between them and she is subjecting them to "Chinese water torture." Yep, you heard it here first, folks: the Most Selfish Woman in the World. Don't try to challenge her title because she's invincible. Spencer suggests they go out for a night on the town as friends. Sarah argues that no matter how Spencer tries to dress it up, it's still a date. Spencer tells her he will make the night the antithesis of romantic. Sarah agrees.
Platypus goes back to Jeffrey Woodruff's office and tells Turtleneck Boy that Mr. Woodruff was trying to get in touch with her. Turtleneck Boy turns bitchy. "I highly doubt it, the role has been cast," he tells her. At that moment, Mr. Woodruff comes out of his office and exclaims, "There you are!" and tells Turtleneck Boy to get Platypus a script and a rehearsal schedule. Turtleneck Boy rolls his eyes and walks off. Mr. Woodruff tells her he wants her to understudy the part of Izzy. Platypus goes nuts. Mr. Woodruff tells her when rehearsal starts, and advises her to get a new agent. Oh, ha, ha, how ironic. Not. Turtleneck Bitch comes out and hands her some papers, glaring all the while. Platypus smiles sweetly at him. "I know, 'Congratulations,'" she says before waddling out the door.
At home, Platypus explains to J.B. what it means to be an understudy. "So all we gotta do now is hope that this Theresa Bouillay person comes down with mono or something, right?" J.B. asks. Platypus asks if that's bad to hope for. J.B. tells her it would only be bad to hope for physical injury or death. Well, then I guess I should hightail it to confession, since I've long prayed for the deaths of a number of characters on this show. Platypus spouts on about how great it was that she just saw something she wanted, then went after it and got it. J.B. asks her if he could do that. Platypus says sure. "Good, because I know what I want," J.B. says, moving in for the kill. He kisses her, but she stops him and tells him she feels horrible, because if it weren't for him she wouldn't have come back from Oregon. J.B. doesn't see why this is a problem, but Platypus plays her selfish card and tells him that she really only wants one thing right now, and that there's only room for that one thing in her life.