Time of Your Life
The Time They Got E-Rotic

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Keckler: D | Grade It Now!
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The time they had cybersex

At the birthing class, Ashley and Sarah are suffering through a conversation with a too-cute-to-be-true couple. The wife tells her that her adorable husband laminated their wedding photograph to be used as a distraction during the hard labor. I think the only thing that could distract me from hard labor is if the circus came to town and set up shop in my delivery room. At the very least, I could have a spirited debate with the contortionist and sword swallower about what true pain is. Laminated wedding photograph, my cat's fanny. The Adorable Couple's baby begins to kick, and Adorable Husband begins to drool all over Adorable Wife's stomach. Ashley looks uncomfortable. The Adorable Couple come out of their own world long enough to inquire where Ashley's having her baby. Ashley tells them NYU, and Adorable Wife tells her that NYU is really open to "alternative families" and goes on to say, "It's the Catholic hospitals that'll give you trouble." Sarah starts to explain that they aren't lesbians, but Ashley interrupts her several times. Ashley whispers to Sarah that she'd rather they think they're a couple rather than have them know that her husband had "other priorities." Sarah finally gets it. She's not too sharp, that one.

J.B. welcomes Sophie home with wine and dinner. Sophie puts the bottle against her head and tells J.B. she has a migraine; one of her clients is driving her crazy by changing his mind at the last minute about what kind of music he wants. J.B. volunteers his and Scraggle's services. Sophie is skeptical that they know anything about swing music. "Maguire knows every kind of music," J.B. says. Sophie still isn't convinced, because it's a huge party on two floors and she doesn't think J.B. should overextend himself so early into the game. J.B. snipes that she sounds like Scraggle and that he doesn't understand why everyone thinks he has to start slow. He badgers Sophie into letting them take the gig. Sophie conveniently forgets her migraine and gets turned on by his jubilance.

Platypus is explaining to Scraggle and Sarah over bad karaoke music at the bar that Mollie competed with Platypus over everything all through school. But now, the tables have turned, and Platypus got all the breaks for a change. Scraggle asks where Mollie is now. Platypus says she left her at Macy's (nice friend -- I wouldn't even leave an enemy at Macy's) and then looks at her watch and says, "Maybe I shouldn't have left her at Macy's!" Sarah snips to Scraggle, "What, anxious to meet the new girl?" "Oh, yeah, I got a track record to maintain," Scraggle calls back just as a shopping-bag-laden Mollie makes an entrance, exclaiming over paying $22 for cab fare. Platypus introduces Mollie and Scraggle, and Mollie apologizes for being frazzled. Scraggle tells her the city "can be intense at first" and asks about Mollie's singing talents. Oh, God, another singer? Do I have to even guess what is coming up? Mollie pooh-poohs her vocal ability, but Platypus tries to encourage her to get up on stage and sing. Mollie freaks, and Platypus tells her it's only karaoke. "Yeah, but it's New York karaoke!" Mollie says, in a voice bordering on reverence. What, like New York doesn't have its share of bad voices? They've got Jennifer Love Hewitt to name, but one! Platypus tries to convince Mollie by getting up there herself and singing. A third singer. Even I didn't call that one. Platypus launches into "Wonderful You," and at about this time, Mr. keckler turns to me and says, "Should we break out the harder stuff?" This worries me because, at the theme song, we broke out the anti-freeze. Guess it's time to thaw out that liver transplant.

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Time of Your Life

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