Titans

Episode Report Card
Benzoate: C | 463 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Dysfunction Junction

An off-screen cough tips us off to the fact that they were not alone. Oh, stinky Peter has been listening the whole time. And he's drunk again. But he protests that he's still incredibly lucid. In his opinion, giving Heather the Internet company is "pure, unadulterated insanity. Clan Williams can still back out of this deal. Richard grabs his son by the lapels and issues a warning: not only is Peter going to sign the acquisition papers, but he's going to assist Heather in every way possible and do it with a smile on his face. A smile? How about a sneer? "And if I refuse?" Peter asks, flirting with the emotions of a man who's just about get some. Then Richard is going to be more disappointed in Peter than he usually is. I'm no child psychologist, but I believe that negative subjective statements like these can only further antagonize Peter and won't do a thing for his chronic low self-esteem.

Upstairs, Heather isn't getting ready at all. She's staring across the courtyard at Chandler, who, once again, is in a state of undress. They look at each other for a moment before Richard enters the bedroom. Chandler continues to stare up at his father's window and appears distressed at the kissing shadows in the window -- even more so when the lights go off.

The next day Peter wakes his sleeping brother with a kick. He's curious about the "workout" Heather gave their father the night before. Chandler doesn't want to hear about it, and Peter's surprised. What's the harm with a little locker-room talk between brothers? Well, for starters, when it's in reference to your dad's sexual activities, I would say that's a no-no for almost any child. Chandler accuses Peter of not being able to accept dad's happiness. Peter confesses, "I'm just not a very nice guy." Yawn. Peter's also figured out the secret location of dad's honeymoon. Drum roll please -- it's Hawaii. Chandler: "Hawaii?"

"Hawaii?" Heather asks. Of course Hawaii -- it's the most romantic place on earth. Heather looks ill-at-ease over the location. Her hair looks even less at ease. It's like she's got a leftover style from Dallas.

Beach. Laurie is dressed in a fetching wetsuit, waxing her board. (She really is; that wasn't a euphemism.) Did anyone think for a second that Laurie would be a surf bum? She's approached by a blond-haired muscular type who just starts shooting the breeze. In the span of forty-five seconds, he reveals who he is and what he's doing there; it dawns on Laurie (and us) that this is David O'Connor, Jack's protégé. Of course, he badmouths the sisters he's working for. Tee hee -- little does he know that he's actually talking to one of the sisters. Laurie reveals that she is his new boss. He must feel like a heel right now. Ha ha, I knew that would happen. You rule, Laurie!

Titans

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