Dysfunction Junction

Episode Report Card
Benzoate: C- | Grade It Now!
Dysfunction Junction

We're still at the wedding. The priest opens with the familiar "before God and this congregation." "Before God"? Highly unlikely. He then asks the leading question, "If anyone has any reason why these two should not be joined, let them [sic] speak now or forever hold your [sic] peace." Close-up on Chandler, but there's no response. Then, by the authority invested in the priest by God (again, I doubt it) and the state gaming commission, the priest introduces Mr. and Mrs. Richard Williams.

Samantha sympathetically looks at Gwen. "I'm fine," Gwen assures her. She appears to be annoyed at the attention. Well, maybe she should have stayed away from her ex-husband's wedding, or at least skulked in and hung out in the back rather than be led past all the guests to sit in the front row. Chandler asks whether she would like to accompany him. She agrees: "Lead on, Lancelot." That's appropriate, since Lancelot was the Knight who ended up stealing Guinevere from King Arthur. Could the writing staff actually have read a book? Nah. They probably were drawn to the alliteration.

Peter sidles up to the happy couple and asks to kiss the bride. Heather refuses, opting to go with the maître d' who brought her down the aisle. They kiss uncomfortably on the lips and with partially open mouths. When I say "uncomfortably," I mean it was uncomfortable for me. They both seemed fine with it. Roll the intro. Not to get anyone too excited, but tonight's special musical guest is SR-71. I, for one, can't wait.

Gwen has had enough of the reception and exits the front of the house as a Mercedes pulls up to the front. Out comes Richard's brother Jack. He's the company whiz in Europe. Gwen and Jack chat a bit about the wedding and the divisions of the company they each own before Jack resigns himself to attending the reception. He begs Gwen to join him. I won't even dignify the show by transcribing the part where Gwen has to remind Jack that he's Richard's younger brother. As they enter the back yard, Richard is toasting "his partner for life." Jack asks how long ago Heather graduated from high school. Ha ha.

At the wedding bar, Peter and Jenny are sharing a sibling moment. Fortunately, Jenny seems to be back off the sauce and enjoying some punch. Peter makes a remark about toasting to "Ms. May and Mr. December and the age gap between them." Duh. We all know what a May-December relationship is. You don't have to reiterate by mentioning there's an age gap. If your viewers are that stupid please use subtitles or provide a glossary. Jenny also mentions a monetary gap between Heather and the Williams kids -- to the tune of $100 million. Peter and the audience could both use some clarification. Apparently Richard is giving Heather an internet company called Dress2K as a wedding gift. Peter's pretty pissed, since he spent a fortune acquiring that company. Jenny tries to look on the bright side. Maybe Heather's got good instincts. Good instincts in bed are one thing, but running a company is somewhat different. Peter needs to find himself some sex really soon, I think. Besides, if I were one of the Williams kids, I wouldn't be too disappointed. After the current market shocks, that company's got to be worth no more than $45 million at the most.

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