Dysfunction Junction

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Benzoate: C- | Grade It Now!
Dysfunction Junction

Upstairs, Heather isn't getting ready at all. She's staring across the courtyard at Chandler, who, once again, is in a state of undress. They look at each other for a moment before Richard enters the bedroom. Chandler continues to stare up at his father's window and appears distressed at the kissing shadows in the window -- even more so when the lights go off.

The next day Peter wakes his sleeping brother with a kick. He's curious about the "workout" Heather gave their father the night before. Chandler doesn't want to hear about it, and Peter's surprised. What's the harm with a little locker-room talk between brothers? Well, for starters, when it's in reference to your dad's sexual activities, I would say that's a no-no for almost any child. Chandler accuses Peter of not being able to accept dad's happiness. Peter confesses, "I'm just not a very nice guy." Yawn. Peter's also figured out the secret location of dad's honeymoon. Drum roll please -- it's Hawaii. Chandler: "Hawaii?"

"Hawaii?" Heather asks. Of course Hawaii -- it's the most romantic place on earth. Heather looks ill-at-ease over the location. Her hair looks even less at ease. It's like she's got a leftover style from Dallas.

Beach. Laurie is dressed in a fetching wetsuit, waxing her board. (She really is; that wasn't a euphemism.) Did anyone think for a second that Laurie would be a surf bum? She's approached by a blond-haired muscular type who just starts shooting the breeze. In the span of forty-five seconds, he reveals who he is and what he's doing there; it dawns on Laurie (and us) that this is David O'Connor, Jack's protégé. Of course, he badmouths the sisters he's working for. Tee hee -- little does he know that he's actually talking to one of the sisters. Laurie reveals that she is his new boss. He must feel like a heel right now. Ha ha, I knew that would happen. You rule, Laurie!

WGE -- The two SAG-ordered minority characters, Samantha and Scott, share a moment of solidarity in the corporate hallways. He's dropping off the new plans. She believes them to be a week late, when they are in fact a week early. Easy mistake for her to make. After all, she's an Ivy-Leaguer. She opens the door to Richard's office to find Peter getting a little too comfy in Papa Bear's chair. Not only does he want the chair and the bed, he's after the porridge as well. He asks Samantha a question we've all been asking since last week: why is she so loyal to Richard? Gwen is the one who paid her tuition at Brown. So why, with an MBA, is she content to manage the house and Richard's life when Richard has never promoted her? Peter makes an offer for Samantha to jump to the ranks of junior executives. Unfortunately she'll have to jump his bones first. Chandler saves the day by arriving in the nick of time. Unfortunately, he's chosen to wear something from the Don Johnson Miami Vice line -- lots of light-colored jackets with pastel t-shirts. Yuck. Anyway, someone called an emergency meeting of the WGE Board of Directors.

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