Dysfunction Junction

Episode Report Card
Benzoate: C- | Grade It Now!
Dysfunction Junction

Clan Williams arrives, including Uncle Jack. Peter has called this emergency meeting to discuss the dot-com business Richard's handing over to Heather. Peter believes that he can kill the whole deal. Chandler views the very meeting as a betrayal to their beloved patriarch. Laurie's reviewed the company's prospectus and worries that it might be a money pit. Thanks, Laurie. If we need an opinion on how to get a whiskey sour stain out of one's blouse, we'll call you. Chandler appears to be the lone dissenting voice. Peter gives him two days to change his mind and do what's best for the family.

Back in Hawaii, Richard carries Heather into the honeymoon suite (remember them? They were Canada's low-rent answer to Bon Jovi -- "Wave Babies" ruled!). Funny how it looks like the exact same room she and Chandler occupied over two months ago. More likely it's just the same set. Being there conjures up memories of jogging side by side with Chandler in the surf. Looks like another mix-up in the editing room at NBC as a slow motion clip from Yasmine's Baywatch days is spliced into tonight's episode. "Look at us run, so carefree. Check out how hot I am in that bikini. Can you believe my breasts are real? Look at them bounce up and down like that. The fake ones don't do that, you know; they're very rigid and hard to remove, I hear. Now we're rolling around in the surf. Nothing like a salt water enema to turn me on." The memories cause her to sniff the lei around her neck. Apparently it's started to go bad because a bellhop interrupts her fantasy sequence asking if he can put the lei in the fridge for her. She snaps at the bellhop and Richard catches her cattiness. She apologizes. It's just that she loves Richard sooo much and wants to make love to him sooo much that it's put her in a cranky mood when it comes to the help.

Notice I used the word "lei" three times in the previous paragraph without making the easy joke. That's the mark of a professional.

Back to the Pulse Club, where all the real action is going on. We finally discover what Jenny does at the club: she introduces the bands. Tonight's special guest is SR-71. This is beginning to feel like the Peach Pit After Dark. SR71 plays a kind of Green Day/Blink 182 style of music that would be totally inappropriate for this kind of club and the clientele that frequents it. Jack arrives to introduce David to Jenny. According to her, Laurie's the tyrant and she's the cheap slutty wino...I mean, "the softie." She's surprised that David didn't hit it off with Laurie since they both appear to be Type A personalities. As for Jenny, she's more like a B+ or A- (warning: that was actually written dialogue, not an attempt at an easy joke on my part). There's something different about David -- something exotic. Right, it's the Australian accent and Jenny loves it. ["Geez, a bar, a chick, and an Australian dude. Coyote Ugly, much?" -- Wing Chun] Jenny asks whether all Australians aren't major partiers. David explains that when Aussies work, they work hard but when they play, they play hard and when they act they act...hard. David keeps looking away from Jenny like he's expecting his dealer to show up any time. He doesn't want to be out of line, but after spending five minutes with Jenny (it's actually only been fifty-five seconds. I timed it) he sees nothing but potential. A potential bang, maybe. He's gotten a nose for potential. He must have gone to Brown, too. Brown nose, that is! (That easy joke was mine).

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