Titans
Guess Who's Chumming For Dinner?

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Guess Who's Chumming For Dinner?

Back at WGE, we walk in on the middle of the official press conference for Dress2K. This is a big moment on Titans, because we're about to find out (I hope) what the bloody site actually does. On a side note, I think they've set themselves up for failure with the name. Think of what's going to happen in another thousand years or so. The name's going to be irrelevant. Their funeral. Anyway, the conference is similar to the one that the Beatles had for their first tour of America. People asking questions like which one's the smart one, which is the prettiest? Some hard-hitting journalist for the Encino Shoppers' Advertiser asks whether Heather is really qualified. She thinks she is. Another reporter says that the word on the street is that Heather has a sixth sense on how to dress the American female. Well, just looking at the way that Heather dresses should quickly squash that rumor. Her strategy will all be about women dressing for men. Great, another one of these women-empowerment chicks. The new Mrs. Williams vows that not only will she kick some ass, she'll show a little. I think she's talking about those yellow cheekless pantsuits that Prince used to wear. Richard assures the rapt reporters that as far as financial advice goes, he and Peter will always be there to advise her.

After the conference, Heather and Peter engage in their usual back-and-forth snarky banter. I think they like each other. Remember in public school when you threw rocks at the girls you liked (I unfortunately continued that habit well into college, when a restraining order finally put an end to it)? This is just like that. Peter predicts failure. Ah, but the investors believe in her. Why else would their stock be valued at $200 per share, fifty points up from the time she was announced as CEO? Why? One good reason might be that the writers are not knowledgeable about the stock market and too lazy to take a look at the L.A. Times Business section and find out that Heather's boast is total bullshit. Yahoo!, which is already considered over-valued and which actually does something, is only worth about $60, while Microsoft hovers at $65. Regardless, Peter believes her, and he's duly chastised.

Back at Gwen's mansion, she's running way late for her lunch with Laurie. The doorbell rings. Two agents from Child Services are at the door; one is from highway, the other from LA County. The woman from Ohio shows her license, her I.D., and her authorization. Confused? So is Gwen. They're here to deliver the boy. You know, the son of her late sister? Didn't Gwen receive the letter? Aw shoot, the department said they contacted her. I guess they don't have phones in Ohio. His Europe-bound father has abandoned the boy, so if you just sign these pre-approved papers then he's all yours. The youngster bears an eerie likeness to Leonardo DiCaprio, so from now on he'll be known as "Leo" even though his name real name is Ethan. The kid's got to be at least sixteen, but Gwen repeats everything the agent just said in a baby voice so Leo understands what's happening. I guess he didn't pick up any clues from the flight from Ohio. Gwen signs the papers, and just like that, Leo's an honorary Williams. It's harder to have a UPS package change hands. We're given an insight as to how nice Leo really is, because he let the Ohio lady win a game of hearts on the plane. How sweet. As the two agents leave, one asks the other why she didn't inform Gwen about Leo's rap sheet, the vandalism, and his anger issues. She only allows one surprise per day, as if this were a favor she's doing Gwen. How professional. Thanks, bitch!

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