Titans
Pilot

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Meet the Titans
Chandler finds Dad in the garden. So far Richard seems like a nice person if not a reasonable father. He's happy to see his son and anxious to introduce him to his fiancée: Heather!! Okay, so we all knew that was going to happen because NBC's been banging us over the head with it for two months. Heather looks genuinely surprised and genuinely uncomfortable. Both barely hide their shock at seeing each other again. Heather asks Richard if he has any other children that she hasn't met yet, and Peter delivers the zinger: "You might check Saigon." Good one, Peter. Anyway, Heather doesn't feel well and wants to go home. Because he hasn't had a drink yet, Richard volunteers Chandler to drive her. Thanks, Dad, I just drove four hours to get here and we haven't seen each other in two years but, sure, I'll take your about-to-be-wife-who-I-banged-in-Hawaii fiancée home. Peter suggests they take "the Porsche." As the former lovers exit, Richard grabs Peter's martini out of his hand, but Peter replaces it with a glass of champagne (drink #2). Once in the Porsche, Chandler gives Heather five seconds to explain herself, and she offers up a defense worthy of Johnnie Cochran: You see, there are so many "Williams"es in the phone book: "There's got to be thousands." Plus they never discussed their families in Hawaii. I guess she never discussed the names and/or occupations of Richard's children with HIM either. ["And I guess Richard doesn't have any pictures of his children around that Heather might have seen." -- Wing Chun] Chandler is near tears at this point. She lied to him, and he's not going to have some liar marry his daddy. Heather warns that revealing their little indiscretion would kill Richard, and begs Chandler to reconsider. He doesn't care; he's off to tell dad and Heather can drive her own damn self home thank you very much. The next day, a Latina, dressed in red and with really big teeth, crosses the stately grounds and breaks into Chandler's bedroom while he sleeps (naked, I think). Chandler wakes and greets the daughter of the Williams's former housekeeper, Samantha Sanchez. Jeez, could they come up with a more ethnic-sounding same? They should have named her Selena. They obviously know each other. Chandler notices how much she's blossomed. She claims that she got her MBA from Brown and now works for Richard. "Doing what?" Chandler innocently asks. "Not his dishes, if that's what you're implying" she retorts. Duh? She went to an Ivy League school. I don't think she'd be doing someone's dishes. Instead she oversees Richard's professional and personal life as well as overseeing the house. In short, she's a personal assistant. ["For that she needs an MBA?" -- Wing Chun] The two talk about some treehouse, which must be the place where they engaged in some pubescent inter-class naughtiness. It looks like Chandler may want to pick up from where they left off, but she distracts him by informing him that his father wants to see him at "O-nine-hundred." Maybe she thinks that because he's a military man that he's forgotten how to tell time in civilian lingo. Must be, since she says it twice.

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Titans

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