Stormy Heather

Episode Report Card
Benzoate: C- | Grade It Now!
"Do not have sexual relations with your father's wife; that would dishonor your father."

Back at Gwen's place, the Williams daughters descend the spiral staircase. Jenny's already in her Halloween costume. She doesn't want to attend the fashion show. Laurie asks about David, and Jenny's even less interested in talking about him. Ethan arrives dressed better than anybody else has been ever since the show started. The girls agree to share their little cousin as their date.

We're at the Century Plaza Hotel, where Dress2K's fashion show is taking place. Ethan mopily saunters through the dressing-room area, ogling all the babes. Peter tries to prove he's not gay by tricking a model into letting him put his hands on her ass. Nice try, Pete. From across the room, Chandler notices a wobbly Heather and rushes to her aid. She assures him that she's just going through morning sickness -- it's all part of being pregnant. For some reason, she can't go see her gynecologist. Chandler demands that she see a doctor. The fashion show starts with an audience of about thirty. "Coast to coast, and around the world," Heather brags, "we are live." Whoop-de-doo. Can you claim to be the industry standard? I didn't think so. The less-than-stunning models sashay down the runway, wearing some fairly unremarkable clothes. Oh, but all the flash bulbs are confusing Heather like she's King Kong or something. Watch out, she'll go berserk! Actually, she's looking kind of woozy and wobbly -- oh, and down she goes in a heap to the floor! Chandler and Richard each do a double take before rushing to her aid.

It's the next day, and Heather's having her blood pressure measured by someone who appears to be a doctor. She's fine, but he wants to draw some blood. Richard escorts the doc to the door. Chandler swoops in and demands that Heather see a doctor friend of his in San Diego. He's already made an after-hours appointment for today. I won't delve into the obvious insanity of going to see a doctor 150 miles away when there are, probably, four hundred doctors in the greater Los Angeles area that she could go see confidentially. But of course, I'm a man, and I don't understand women and their bodies all that well, do I? Heather makes up a reason to go to San Diego, claiming there are some fabrics she wants to check out. The first clue that she's lying is her suggestion that there's something stylish in San Diego. Of course, compared to what she's wearing Carol Channing was avant garde. Richard falls for it anyway and volunteers Chandler to fly her down, rather than her having to take the shuttle. Chandler reluctantly agrees. Once Chandler and Richard go off to "discuss some business matters," Peter begins to suggest that there's more to Chandler and Heather than meets the eye. Heather distracts him with accusations of her own -- that he's obsessed with Samantha. She lets him in on Chandler blowing off Samantha the previous night. Perhaps Samantha needs comforting. Peter warns Heather that she shouldn't think he owes her anything in return. "Let's just say you owe me one," Heather purrs. He just said he didn't owe you anything. You've got make-up in your ears or something.

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