Titans
Stormy Heather

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"Do not have sexual relations with your father's wife; that would dishonor your father."

Heather's cruising down the driveway in her convertible BMW as Chandler's on his way back from his morning jog. He wants to know the scoop. She tried telling Richard, but he wouldn't go for it. Fine, he says he'll tell Richard himself. Chandler doesn't think that she tried hard enough. Furthermore, it's his opinion that all of her lying and scheming has turned her into quite the little actress. "Oh yeah, well what has it turned you into?" she asks before roaring off. I guess that sounded good in the writers' room, but it just doesn't make any sense. What has all her lying and scheming turned him into? A big wuss if you ask me.

Ethan is strumming some nonsensical chords on a guitar by Gwen's pool. What an artistic old soul. Gwen offers him lessons if he wants them. He wants to know why she has to make such a big deal about everything. That's just the way she's written my friend. Ethan doesn't expect to hear good news from Bramley. Gwen relays a sob story about how she and Richard were so poor in the beginning that they had to live in a duplex (I wish I lived in a duplex). Oh my God!! But now they're filthy rich. The point is, you can start from behind and catch up with everyone else. And Ethan will be doing the same, as he's been accepted to Bramley after all. Is that a tear, Ethan?

WGE -- Peter's office. Samantha bursts in demanding to know if he thinks she's an idiot. Well, we all had our suspicions. She thrusts forward a memo that he authored, recommending she be promoted to Junior Vice President. She can see right through the whole charade. Peter begs to differ. He reminds her that she's more than qualified, the fashion show went off without a hitch (except for the fainting), she knows how to control "dragon mommy" (okay, that's pretty good), and she hasn't received a promotion in five years. She rejects the offer, but it's too late -- Richard has already approved it. Peter wants to change and be the guy that she almost liked. Can't she see he's changed? Samantha leaves to dwell on all of this.

Heather slides into Peter's office and claps. An amazing feat, considering she has to get her arms around the gargantuan black rose affixed to her blouse. She's curious as to why Peter's being so nice to Samantha. He gives the changed-man speech to her as well, but she's not buying it, either The two start using French words in their insults, including "touché" and "du jour," and Peter utters the line, "Isn't that the sexpot calling the kettle noire?" Cute. Sounds like some of the writers went to Harvard. Peter turns the tables on Heather by bringing up Chandler and all of their dalliances. He threatens to hire a detective. She's got nothing to hide. I think she's hiding a penis. "Put another way, are you sleeping your way through the company, because if so, I'd like to make a reservation," Peter sneers -- back to his old ways. Yeah but Peter, she's a girl!! Heather gives Peter the most melodramatic slap across the face that she can muster, and we're done for another night.

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Titans

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