Star Trek
TNG: “Sub Rosa”

Episode Report Card
Keckler: F | Grade It Now!
It's a Family Affair
The Governor bitches to Picard about the cold he's caught as they step onto the Bridge to find it misting over with fog. Be a real Scot: drink your way to health. I always wanted to be Scottish. Everyone's concerned. They investigated the thick, green fog and it seems to be coming from Dr. Bev's bedsheets. She could hypospray a cream for that. Or maybe it's just coming from the power transfer beam they've been using on the colony and they're getting a weather backwash. Worf reports below-freezing temps in Ten Forward and a loss of gravity elsewhere. Data starts to disengage the power transfer beam, but can't because of technobabble. He goes somewhere else to take care of it. In the meantime, Picard announces he's going to get his jacket. Data and Geordi technobabble. They notice Groundskeeper Willie fiddling with stuff under a console. Data yanks him out. "No! Gee away from me! You dinna understand! He's trying to keel us all!" Groundskeeper Willie announces, and goes to futz with more stuff. A green bolt of electricity zaps Willie in the chest and kills him. Dr. Bev brings her doctor's kit to the scene and confirms that Willie is definitely dead. Dr. Bev finds that some anomalous energy residual is in his body and determines that that's what killed him. Data scans Groundskeeper Willie's body and says that the energy residual matches that of the power fluctuations in the weather control system. Yes, yes, Bonin killed Groundskeeper Willie -- can we get to the part where Dr. Bev stops having imaginary sex? What? That's not until the end of the episode? GIN! Dr. Bev makes arrangements for the body to be brought back to the ship and more tests to be done by a midi-lackey. The Governor wonders why she's not going to perform the tests herself, and without meeting his eyes, Dr. Bev says she has some things to "attend to." Yeah, things like her VAGINA! Back in Nana's house, Dr. Bev freaks out and calls out for Bonin, saying they have to talk. "I'm here, did you miss me?" Bonin's voice asks. Dr. Bev tells him about the "accident." Bonin already knows. Dr. Bev wonders what happened. "Beverly, there are important things we've got to talk about," Bonin rasps. Dr. Bev insists on knowing what happened to Groundskeeper Willie. Suddenly, this big hand is basically covering Dr. Bev's chin and mouth and twisting her around to face him. It seems a bit violent and attack-like if you ask me, but evidently she gets off on it. Bonin cups Dr. Bev's face and says he needs her help. "It's not easy for me to take corporeal form -- I can't do it for long," Bonin says, leading Dr. Bev to a chair by her cupped face. Oh, I'm sorry, he wasn't leading Dr. Bev to a chair, he was leading himself to a chair while Dr. Bev kneels in front of him. Bonin asks her to light his candle. EW! EW! EW! Dr. Bev repeats what Groundskeeper Willie said about him living in the candle and asks if it's true. It is. "If I'm away from it for too long, I begin to weaken. That's why the women in your family have always...kept the candle lit." Man, you might want to start thinking about Levitra instead of dealing with this runaround. Dr. Bev says she will go and get the candle. Bonin stops her and says he must go with her. "How?" Dr. Bev wonders. Bonin will travel along the power transfer beam. Dr. Bev wonders what happens when she lights the candle. "Then we'll be together...always," Bonin says, and macks on her face. As Bonin backs away, Dr. Bev stands with her mouth still open and her eyes closed. Bonin disappears in a mist. Dr. Bev touches her lips, pushing some hair into the corner of her mouth, and opens her eyes to see that Bonin is gone. She stands there for a moment, trembling and tearful. Get a grip, woman!

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