Episode Report CardKeckler: F | Grade It Now!
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In her quarters, Dr. Bev tells the computer to lock her door. She grapples with a phaser and fires it into the candle, lighting it. Dr. Bev then sits on the edge of her bed, knees to her chest, and rocks back and forth. When nothing happens, she jumps up, paces the room for a millisecond, rubs her hands together and perches back on the bed. She rocks. Dude, chill out! "I lit the candle -- where are you?" she whines. She clutches her hands over her face and breathes hard. Suddenly, and again a bit violently, Bonin grabs at her hands over her face from behind and shushes her. Dr. Bev pants and rubs her face on one of his large hands. Bonin says they are together and says he wants to be a part of her, "Would you like that?" "Oh, yes, more than anything!" Dr. Bev says. Bonin repeats that it was the same with her grandmother and great-grandmother and all other Howard women. Like, detailing all the ways you've done her ancestors doesn't exactly sell the romance part, freak show. Bonin pulls the hysterical Dr. Bev to her feet and says he will take care of her and she will feel love like she's never felt it before. Bonin lets go of Dr. Bev and dissolves into a green mist, which then surrounds Dr. Bev and seems to enter her. Dr. Bev rolls onto her bed, eyes closed, and juices into the green orgasmic mist. ["I was told I would regret approving this pitch. I thought Keckler was joking. She wasn't. I just threw up." -- Sars] Transporter Room. Dr. Bev carefully carries her lit vibrator to the pad with her suitcases. Again, she's dressed like a Highland lass with her auburn hair done up in a low, loose, bun at the nape of her neck. Picard walks in, shakes an e-pad at her, and asks her what the hell it is. "I thought it was self-explanatory -- I'm leaving Starfleet. Energize," Dr. Bev says, that last order for the transporter chief. Picard orders the transchief to belay that order. I want a job where I tell people to belay stuff. The disembodied voice of the transchief says, "Aye, sir!" What scandals and dramas transchiefs must see in their line of work. Picard tells Dr. Bev, pleadingly, that she can't just resign. "I can and I have. I've decided to stay on Not Scotland and become a healer like my grandmother. It's a proud Howard tradition and I've decided to uphold it energize," Dr. Bev recites. Nothing happens. Dr. Bev stares at Picard and says, "I've resigned my commission, so unless you plan on kidnapping me..." Picard reluctantly nods at the transchief, who finally energizes. Picard broods.