Star Trek
TNG: “The Game”

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C- | 3 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Levels of Orgasms
As Lefler and Wesley leave Ten Forward, we get a creepy close-up of a random redshirt. You think for a minute that he heard them, but no, he's just getting it on with his game. Medi-lab. Wesley technobabbles about how they set up the game with the computer. They start the experiment and note synaptic activity all over the place. Next, they speed it up to see long-term effects. I predict that it will make you blind and give you hairy palms. "The effect seems centered around the frontal lobe," Lefler observes. Wesley commands the computer to enhance the frontal lobe. "It's stimulating the septal area," Lefler notes. "That's the PLEASURE center of the BRAIN!" Wesley exclaims, totally scandalized. Maybe now he realizes exactly why his mother's hair was so mussed. Not having a masturbating mother, Lefler grins suggestively. Oh, come on -- that time it was warranted! "Whatever this thing does it must feel pretty good," Wesley breathes. "No wonder it's so popular," Lefler says, still grinning. Instead of taking this very natural opportunity for a very natural make-out session, Wesley announces that the serotonin levels are "way off." That's a technical term, by the way. After a neuro-chemical analysis, Lefler finds widespread bonding to neuro-receptors. "Correct me if I'm wrong," Wesley begins. Sigh -- you're never wrong, Wesley. Shut up. "But this looks like a psychotropic reaction." Except that he pronounces it "psycho-trahpic" instead of "psycho-trohpic." Like, "I'm visiting the psychotrahpics this year and will need my SPF 2000." "Are you saying you think the game's addictive?" Lefler asks. Duh. Keckler's Law 189: Don't state the obvious. It makes you look stupid. "What's going on in the pre-frontal cortex?!" Wesley pearl-clutches. "Doesn't that control higher reasoning?" Lefler reminds us. "Yeah, it sure does," Wesley confirms, open-mouthed. They look worried. Wesley says he's going to talk to Picard. Wesley twing-bings Picard. Out of focus -- geddit, because he's out of focus? -- Picard swings around in his seat and calls, "Come!" Isn't everyone doing that already? Sorry. Wesley walks in and speaks his mind. He says "psychotrahpic" again, which I'm now convinced is a green and purple drink on Kum-on-ah-wanna-lei-ya. Picard listens and hmmms and says he will investigate immediately. As soon as Wesley leaves, Picard puts his headset on. DUN! All I can say is, thank god the director spared us a Picard sex face in this episode. We just get an intense close-up that might as well have been a Locutus of Borg close-up, and I'm happy about that.

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