Top Chef Just Desserts

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Chocoholics Anonymous

Then Shinmin doles out the punishment. Gail asks for her three least favorite, which out of a group of five is kind of cold. Shinmin does not approve of Zac's messy chocolate work. Eric's pile of icing is unappealing. Eric responds by calling her "rude". (Not to her face or anything and, it really sounded like the word "rude" was edited into his sentence, so he probably didn't say it all.) Shinmin also didn't like Danielle's piece at all because the back wasn't finished and she is an embarrassment to humanity. So who are her favorites? Um...who else is in the room? That's right Yigit and Morgan. Shinmin says Morgan's is by far the most professional, which kind of kills any surprise, but she then pretends that Yigit's is nice, too. Obviously Morgan and his clumsy elbows of evil win the day. Yigit is not happy. But Morgan is because he just won and got $5,000. He tries not to "Yeehaw!" but he's from Texas and can't help it.

Moving on to the Elimination Challenge. Gail explains that the client will be none other than paid sponsor Dana Cowin of Food and Wine Magazine. Someone (not Shinmin) gasps in pleasure. Gail explains that Dana has a very specific theme in mind for the party: Celebri-TEA. Is Dana a moron? It sounds like she's a moron. They will be creating a dessert based on a contemporary celebrity duo. They will each create 100 portions of tea party desserts inspired by a celebrity duo. So ...Ashton and Demi-tasse pots du crème? I HATE this challenge with a fiery passion that is eating my soul. Just sayin'. The chefs look about as thrilled as me. I mean, it's like the producers just drew random words out of a Dr. Seuss hat they stole from their freshman year boyfriend to craft this challenge: Celebrity + Couple+ Tea + Party+ Dana Cowin! Awesome. I mean if this show isn't worth YOUR efforts, producers, it's certainly not worth mine.

After what I can only imagine are several hours wherein the producers are trying to explain the (not) AWESOMENESS of this challenge to the contestants, the chefs arrive at the old Albertson's. Danielle explains that she is using celebrity duo Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter and is thinking red because Conan's hair is red and what the fuck else are you supposed to do with this stupid ass challenge? Zac, surprisingly, is a fan of musical theater and has opted to make tea party desserts inspired by Julie "Sound of Music" Andrews and her husband Blake Edwards of the Pink Panther movies fame. Morgan, having no clue about modern celebrity, has chosen Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush as his celebrity duo (thanks to a magazine he saw at the newsstand). For some reason their on-again off-again romance has conjured up images of a sacher torte and the raspberry/apricot debate that lies between its chocolate-y layers. What the fuck? Yigit, meanwhile, has chosen Guy Ritchie and Madonna because he likes increasingly decrepit pop stars and fake British accents. He wants to showcase the conflict in their relationship by different flavors in the dessert. This is the worst challenge EVER. Baked Eric at least manages to choose a couple that is nominally together and chocolate relevant: Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham. He is making Oprah in a brownie with chocolate ganache and raspberry and please for the love of god let there be graham crackers involved. It would be the only sane moment in a wackadoodle challenge.

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Top Chef Just Desserts

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