Top Chef Just Desserts

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Chocoholics Anonymous

Morgan is next. He has an almond sponge with apricot coulis and citrus buttercream for Reggie Bush and it is paired with a citrus macaroon to represent Kim Kardashian. As for the evaluation, Dana Cowin's macaroon was not tea-party sized and everyone can taste Kim Kardashian's bitterness. Yigit also runs out of time in the kitchen, doesn't get all his desserts plated, and looks flustered when he gets to the judges. Madonna is a citrus scented yogurt cake (as if she eats refined sugar. Or carbs. Or yogurt) and Guy Ritchie is represented by a brown butter sable with a dulce de leche something or other. Sadly, Madonna's cake is bland, but Shinmin is quick to point out that Guy Ritchie's dessert wouldn't stand up to the rigors of a tea party. Yigit looks like an injured racehorse when he returns to the kitchen. Oh come on Yigit, you may have to suffer the indignities of justifying your existence in the Bottom Three, but you won't be whisked away. (See what I did there?) Morgan takes a moment to gloat about the fall of Yigit.

After a blessedly abbreviated discussion of Danielle's showering and bathroom habits, we return to the contestants stewing in the stew room and (of course) a lingering shot of a box of Godiva chocolates because they are contractually obligated to. Gail comes in and beckons Morgan, Zac, and Danielle. They are the tops! Danielle has no idea how she got here. Shinmin tells Morgan that she was prepared to debase herself to lick his almond sponge cake off the plate. Morgan looks pleased, but he looks more pleased when Johnny congratulates him on his nuts. Er...roasted nuts. Gail gets to talk to her BFF Zac about his Julie Andrews-inspired dessert. Daily Candy Dannielle thought his desserts were like the people at a tea that everyone wants to sit near ...and then eat the entire plate surreptitiously and then ralph in the bathroom and cry. Shinmin thought they were the quintessential tea party desserts. Danielle explains her joy at being noticed by the judges and the luck that there were five competitors and she didn't suck as badly as Baked Eric or Yigit. Shinmin gets to announce the winner who is, of course, Zac. He thanks Julie Andrews in his acceptance speech. He has to send Yigit and Baked Eric to their doom.

The men trudge into the chamber of judgment and stand in front of the firing line and accept their criticisms. Gail begins the proceedings by pointing out that their attitudes needed some adjustment because this was the Best Challenge EVER and they both seemed like little sugar spun Eeyore's with cotton candy clouds of sadness hanging over their heads. Can't they cheer up at the awesomeness of this celebri-TEA party challenge? Eric glumly shakes his head no. He just couldn't push through the hurdle of trying to represent Oprah without any chocolate. He just couldn't do it. Dannielle gives him a stern talking to about failed creativity and Shinmin couldn't stomach the shortbreads of different consistencies. Then Gail and Johnny start harping on him and poor Baked Eric is almost in tears over Oprah and tea parties and shortbread and it is SO STUPID because what the fuck do Oprah and Stedman (STEDMAN?!? WHY AM I WRITING ABOUT STEDMAN?!) have to do with pastry skills? NOTHING.

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Top Chef Just Desserts

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