Top Chef Just Desserts

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Chocoholics Anonymous

Gail asks Yigit to explain what the hell happened. Yigit woefully explains that he really needed chocolate and couldn't work through the Dramatic Twist. Dannielle helpfully supplies the factoid that Madonna works out three hours a day and his dessert was jiggly, thus: FAIL. You must FAITHFULLY represent the celebrity in your dessert or you will be eliminated. Look at the winners of the challenge. Andy Richter is an oatmeal bar. CLEARLY. Kim Kardashian is OBVIOUSLY a citrus macaroon. Jesus, Yigit it's like you're not even trying. Shinmin offers relevant advice about the cake being too moist to support the custard and then Johnny veers the critique back to crazycakes with severe anger over the fact that the desserts went out at all. The angrily send the two downtrodden and bloodied contestants back to the stew room. The judges are impressed with how Yigit embraced his challenge and really thought about the relationship between Guy Ritchie and Madonna except for, you know, THE FACT THAT IT'S BEEN OVER FOR FIVE YEARS. Eric failed to realize that it is physically impossible for BOTH Oprah and Stedman to be shortbread. I mean, this isn't GERMANY, people, we have rules which clearly state that two shortbreads cannot marry. It's weird how the fact that neither Yigit nor Danielle were able to get their desserts on the plate. Oh well! The judges have their opinion. It's Eric's time to go. He admits that he cracked under pressure and had to go home. Fuckin' shortbread man. Legalize it!

Melissa Locker a.k.a. Lulu Bates is sad about the Heathers. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.

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Top Chef Just Desserts

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