Top Chef Just Desserts

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Buttercream is a Battlefield

Welcome back to Top Chef (Just Desserts). Miss last week's episode? Read the recap here, just be prepared to be offended by the complete racism (not really, I think). Last week Yigit won for his ability to make Bjork-worthy fashion out of pastry items and Erica was bid adieu despite being the only black contestant in a black and white challenge. But we sally forth to whip the cream, beat the eggs, and torture me with a lot of silly drama. And fondant. Lots of fondant.

Heather (not Head Bandage Heather of course but Bitch Face Heather) thinks everyone was thrilled to see her in the bottom three last week. But I think that's just because she has low self-esteem due to constant bitch face-ness. Also, she's a really good pastry chef with a lot of skill. Also, seems to be kind of a bitch. Morgan, or as he is now known by the contestants "Morganza", which is fitting for someone who displayed an overwhelming passion for women's clothing. He loved his dress and the matching stilettos so much I was worried he was going to consummate the relationship off camera. He swears there are cliques in the house and Team Diva (Bitch Face, Zac, and Yigit) are going to square off and bitch slap the remaining non-denominational cheftestants. Yigit then chimes in that he is certain there has been a target on his back from day one. Well, that and a "Kick Me" sign. Let the games commence!

Gail Simmons and Johnny "Hair Gel" Iuzzini are waiting for the chefs in the Top Chef kitchen, Gail announces that winners no longer get immunity, but they are going to have an actually interesting challenge for once: Mise En Place Relays. Only this is pastry and they don't actually have a mise en place. But first! Teams must be made. By luck of the (producer-contrived) draw, Team Diva is all on the same team. They do a happy dance and high five knowing they will crush the competition with their superior frosting skills. That leaves the non-denominational pastry chefs (Eric, Danielle, Morganza) on one team. Obviously Eric with his mere baking skills is the weak link. The first challenge is to make tart crusts, the second is to whip up a batch of buttercream roses, the third is to beat eggs into submission a.k.a. to firm peaks. Then you have to hold the bowl upside down over Johnny's pristinely shellacked hair for ten seconds and if even a drop lands on his 'do you will be summarily whipped so hard the egg whites will shiver. The final challenge will be to stretch strudel dough the length of the table. Since no one in the audience has any idea what the heck strudel dough is capable of, Morgan explains that strudel dough will crack under pressure and must be executed perfectly. Gail sweetens the pot not with sugar, but with cold hard cash. Zac squeals in excitement and blurts a spontaneous ululation of joy for Dove hand cream. The competition starts. Yigit and Danielle face off to make tart crusts. The second the whistle blows Danielle starts tearing through the tart crusts and is done before Yigit can get even half way through his. When Yigit finally catches up, Johnny sends him back to the beginning because of uneven dough and he has to re-do a bunch of them.

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Top Chef Just Desserts




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