Top Chef Just Desserts

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Ebony and Ivory

Welcome back to Top Chef (Just Desserts). Say it loud and there's music playing. Say it soft and it's almost like praying. And you'll want to talk softly because if anything is in need of praying it is the contestants on this show. Last week they kicked off a girl with brain damage, THAT'S HOW CUTTHROAT THEY ARE. Okay, I don't totally know, like, FOR A FACT that Head Bandage Heather had brain damage, but what with the head bandage and all it is a distinct possibility. I'm not being unnecessarily rude, but the girl was wearing an UNEXPLAINED HEAD BANDAGE on national television. OBVIOUSLY something was seriously wrong. Or at least something more serious than just a little cover up could handle. It was like Max Factor !!eleven!!!11!!! But that wasn't enough for what ever brain matter was leaking out of her forehead so they just slapped a gauze pad on it and sent her out in front of the cameras to be sent home two weeks in a row. Yeah, yeah, I know Malika sent herself home, but you know HBH was going home first.

Anyway, Team Diva as they insist on being called are cackling about HBH and, that's just rude. We're the only people who get to mock the bitch! Not that she's a bitch. She's a perfectly nice woman with light head trauma. I love her. Shut up. The Other Heather is being catty and talking about "talent levels" and other pastry chef level trash talk. She really wants Morgan to be next because he knows how to make a piece of chocolate feel really bad about itself and stuff. But Morgan has won two challenges in a row, so if he wants to give some cacao an inferiority complex he is entitled.

Besides, it's time for the Quick Fire! Everyone claps as Gail introduces the pastry chef at Le Bernardin (which is a seafood restaurant, so yum tuna pie) who is the guest judge for the evening. Everyone on Team Diva claps and smiles dutifully although you can clearly see on their face the undercurrent of hostility and neon sign blinking, "I Could Do Your Job." Michael Laskonis then gets a Greek chorus of, "He's amazing" to "I'd bear his children" to "I might actually take his advice." The Gail introduces the challenge by showing off the savory kitchen and explaining that pastry chefs have been using bacon, beets, duck, and other non-pastry items to create newer and better desserts. Um, guys? You gave HBH and Danielle a boatload of crap for daring to use vegetable in an "edible dress" challenge and now you're asking them to use duck breast in dessert? Shut the hell up!

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Top Chef Just Desserts

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