Top Chef Just Desserts
Top Chef Just Desserts

Episode Report Card
LuluBates: A+ | 1228 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
"The Red Hots are for My Mommy!"

Seth, whose Atomic Fire Ball jam was inspired by his mom who is a nuclear physicist (I'm making that up) starts weeping and wailing when his passionfruit sorbet refuses to freeze. Everyone sort of stares at him and takes two steps sideways, because what the fuck, it's Day Two and it's sorbet. HANDLE IT BETTER. Also, this is a contestant who just five minutes ago was reminding everyone that he is a heterosexual man. Clearly this is not going to get him laid by the ladies anytime soon. Although he does really love his mother, so ...ladies?

Judgment Time: Yigit has made some strawberries and cream out of Twizzlers, which sounds like the nastiest, but Elizabeth pretends is delicious. Heather H. (who won last week's challenge) has made a vanilla panna cotta because someone had to continue the ruse that panna cotta is good, when it so clearly is not. Seriously panna cotta is a vast pastry chef conspiracy rivaled only by the Freemasons for global plots. Tim has made something involving pistachios and lollipops. Morgan made something with Chick-o-Sticks, which is admirable. Malika made Lemon Drop and Pop Rocks parfait, which does not cause the judges' heads to explode so my mother clearly lied to me about the effects of Pop Rocks. Head bandage Heather has made a dessert with no candy at all, which she probably considers bold, but in reality is stupid. Zac made a Ho Ho filled with Red Hot cream and Hot Tamale and licorice sauce, which sounds awesome. Eric made a malt ball pudding, which is a gimme for him because his bakery, Baked, makes a malt ball cake. Erica made a sour Lemon gelee and Pop Rock sprinkles, which also don't 'cause any 'splosions. Damn you, mother!

Danielle's gummy worms in dirt is cute, but all eyes are on Seth who is losing his shit again, curled up in a ball in tears, and is muttering things like, "The Red Hots are for my mommy!" while everyone stares awkwardly, because these are not things that should come out of a grown man's mouth on national television. Elizabeth Falkner goes to talk him off the candy-induced ledge and he falls in her arms and snots on her chef's whites. Can we all chip in and buy Seth some mood stabilizers? Elizabeth sinks a tranquilizer dart into his neck, shakes off his now comatose body from her, changes shirts and starts to mete out judgment.

Losers? Head Bandage Heather because she didn't play the game, Eric because everyone knows he didn't really try, and Seth because he snotted on her shirt. Winners? Heather H., but just because Chef Falkner is contractually obligated to continue the LIE that panna cotta is good. Zac's Hot Ho Ho also wins big as does Danielle's grown up spin on Worms and Dirt with lemon soda. Danielle wins! And everyone cheers because she was a loser before and has risen from the ashes to prevail. Take note, Seth! Take note.

Top Chef Just Desserts

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