Everyone loved Erica's salty tequila-y bombe and loved Eric's homely bourbon cake and Yigit's delicate negroni concoction. Erica wins, though, because it was both pretty and cocktail-y. She is mighty pleased with her win, but when Gail tells her that she has to tell Seth that he lost, her joy is short lived. She puts on protective headgear and a cup even though she's a girl and heads into the Stew Room to deliver the bad news: Seth, Malika, and Tim are all losers. Seth has been heavily sedated in preparation for this eventuality so he is relatively calm when he receives the news.
The judges start with Tim's bowl of basil pudding sadness. Tim agrees that it wasn't a top dish. All eyes turn to Seth, who tries to impale himself on a chunk of blue cake, but it is quickly removed from his hand and he is shot full of downers. Again. He explains that he failed the judges, failed himself, failed his mother, and failed the Pastry Arts at large with his blueberry rum foam thing that's why he tried to do the only honorable thing: dessert seppuku. The judges role their eyes and asks him if he is going to have a meltdown every single episode because that would either be great for ratings (a la Teresa Giudice) or terrible for ratings (a la Kelly Bensimon). Seth shrugs because he is too doped up to know for sure, but he probably will have more breakdowns, but if he promises to make them entertaining, can he stay?
The judges consider it while mocking Malika for her too sugary dessert. How could she? Couldn't she add some citric acid powder or gelatin or agar next time? Malika thinks she could try that if necessary. The judges kick them out to deliberate. Everyone loves Tim's flavor combinations, thinks Malika is struggling to find her timing, and thinks Seth is trying too hard, but is probably entertaining for an audience desperate for a chance to laugh at mental illness. The contestants are summoned back in. Head Judge Johnny Iuzzini sums up the judges' thoughts and then turns to Gail to make the announcement: Tim needs to pack his tools and go. A biohazard team rushes in to remove his green curdled soup thing from the premises.
Melissa Locker a.k.a. Lulu Bates needs a fucking cookie. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.