Top Chef Just Desserts
Episode 2

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"The Red Hots are for My Mommy!"

And we're back! Unfortunately we're still at the point in the competition where I have no idea who any of these freakin' people are, nor do I care about them or like any of them. However, I do like how they have five boxes of Kashi Go Lean cereal in the cheftestants' house, but have blacked out the Kashi brand name. Like, you can only eat Kashi brand cereals, but Kashi brand cereals did not pay us our required fee, so we will assign an intern to black out the brand name on each and every cereal box. As if there is any other Go Lean Crunch cereal on the market.

Here's my other question: What city are they in? Did they mention this and I miss it? Whatever city it is, clearly the city council did not raise the requisite funds from the citizenry to pay the undoubtedly exorbitant product placement fees required to actually be named on this show. Anyway. Better luck next time, Provo or Albuquerque or San Joaquin! Also, General Mills? I see an opening for your family of products.

The contestants pour into Top Chef kitchen to find their guest judge is Elizabeth Falkner of Citizen Cake, who is third cousins twice removed from William Faulkner (they lost the "U" in a rather messy divorce) thus living up to her self-proclaimed title "The William Faulkner of Baking". (There's a lot of dissonant frosting and textural chocolate in her work). She stands in front of the contestants with her spiky blond hair almost blocking the wall of candy behind her while the pastry chefs ooze compliments at her like they are voting in a junior high yearbook: "She's the coolest", "She's the best pastry chef", "You just want to be her", "Best hair". She's their Heather (the blonde one, obvi), but to win her love they will have to impress her with their ability to make candy into a dessert. I can't help but hear Michael Kors' nasaly voice saying, "They have to make dessert into a dessert! What's the challenge?" I can't answer that question so I am intrigued by the outcome.

The starting gun rings and the contestants begin their mad dish to make dessert out of dessert and complete the Quick Fire challenge all while looking good for the cameras and dropping out little hints about their dishes and their candy stories. Zac thinks his entire pastry career is based on the fact that he was denied sugar as a child, which could be true since I wasn't allowed to watch TV when I was a kid and LOOK AT ME NOW. Gail announces that there are five minutes left, looks around the room for approval, pouts when no one notices, and leaves.

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Top Chef Just Desserts

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