Top Chef Just Desserts
Finale

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The Big Finale

You know the trouble with middle-aged white guys with French accents is that you can't tell them apart. I mean, I don't know these people, I can't tell you oh that's Stefane he likes milk in his coffee and won't admit he voted for Chirac unless he's really drunk on Bourgogne grand cru. So we'll leave it at this: Who knows. I do know what Matthew keeps explaining: There are three MLFs walking around! There are MLFs in the kitchen! So I guess he's horny? I don't know. I did Google it, but unless these guys are medial longitudinal fasciculus on a fantastic voyage, or a Malo-Lactic fermentation experiment, I got nothing. I throw my hands up in the air, I whip my hair back and forth, I just don't know. Regardless of how I feel, Chris is feeling confident, because he has been judged by Jacques Torres before, so he knows what's up. I've probably been judged by Jacques Torres before, but mostly because I was shoveling chocolate covered Cheerios into my mouth at an impressive rate in his shop.

The cheftestants begin the prep work for their big day and are shocked to see the big fancy chefs all start assisting them. One of them (Sebastien?) even does the dishes, which is probably a sign of the apocalypse, or would be if the dude who wrote the bible (Stefane?) had any idea what an MLF was. I mean, you can't just drop this lingo in and expect us to know what the heck you are talking about. I mean, that's totally CFU, you know? Soon it is the end of the day and the lesser chefs and the greater chefs leave the GE Monogram sponsored Top Chef kitchen.

The next day the chefs arrive to a kitchen filled with Top Chef detritus. Each chef is entitled to two sous chefs to choose from the chaff. The first is chosen randomly because DRAMA! The second is selected by choice, because this is America. Sally randomly picks a guy, Van, who was kicked off in the second episode after boldly stating he was about bold flavors and then boldly not having any in his dish. Johnny does hate a man who doesn't deliver. Then she picks Orlando, because she doesn't totally know how to make a showpiece and clearly Orlando has the showpiece chops. Chris picks Amanda and accidentally gets saddled with Becky the self-proclaimed gimp (guess someone's been watching American Horror Story.) Matthew gets a girl I'm too lazy to Google because in the inimitable words of Bill Murray in Meatballs IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER. (It might be Megan.) He also gets Carlos just in case he wants to put Pop Rocks and cereal on anything. After the time-filling sous chef selection process, the chefs all get to work. Sally makes the executive (chef) decision to assign to put Orlando in charge of the showpiece and make Van fetch things for her. Chris doesn't really want Becky anywhere near him, so assigns her the various menial tasks that arise. The chefs all get to work to make their many many dishes in the hopes of winning the title Top Chef and the $100,000 of sponsored cash money.

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Top Chef Just Desserts

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