Top Chef Just Desserts
Make a Splash

Episode Report Card
LuluBates: C+ | Grade It Now!
Waterpark Down

Orlando's "Berry Blast" combines blackberry port jam with chocolate, which sounds good if sort of expected. Chris made two candy bars because he is just a show off. One is white and one is black, because while is a show off, he is no racist. Amanda made an Earl Grey chocolate ganache with caramel thingy that had a glossy sheen to it so she probably used Pantene as the secret ingredient. Megan made a ginger buckeye blast, so she's clearly catering to the OSU fans among us, not me, but maybe you? Maybe Pichet went to Ohio State? Hopefully he didn't go to Michigan. Thus endeth my entire knowledge of football. How'd I do? Finally, Rebecca made a freaking hippie-ass candy bar out of granola, panna cotta, orange marmalade, and white chocolate. Where's the high fructose corn syrup? She is gracious enough to thank Orlando again and again and again. Pichet didn't like Matthew's unfinished chocolate glaze and he also did not like Katzie's "mess on a stick." Without a hint of irony, Katzie said the diagnosis drove her "bananas." Know what drives me bananas? NO SENSE OF IRONY. The top tastes? Sally's forbidden rice chocolate combo and Rebecca's freakin' granola bar. Luckily Pichet knows the difference between dessert and a hiking snack and gives the win -- and the immunity -- to Sally.

Once again the chefs are required to form teams. Does Top Chef have this many team challenges? I can't remember, but it doesn't seem possible. Anyway the chefs draw popsicles and are informed that they are going to whatever Southern California water park wanted to pony up the cash to Bravo to be featured as the venue for today's event. The teams have to make a dessert to serve outside to, I assume, kids at the park. Sally, Carlos and Amanda are making smoothies? Because kids love yogurt at an amusement park? Amanda feels like she is at a disadvantage because she didn't go to water parks as a kid because her mother was an immigrant from Communist Russia. Not just Russia, mind you, but COMMUNIST Russia. So, I guess they were too busy standing in lines for bread to go have good clean American fun.

Orlando, Matthew and Chris are making waffles. Katzie is making... a scene, but it's sort of understandable because Carlos and his team are hogging both of the ice cream machines. She pitches a fit and one of the machines is liberated from the tyranny of Team Blue. Chris decides that instead of waiting in line for the ice cream maker, he will use some newfangled contraption and sit on the porch in his rocking chair with his shot gun on his knee until it's ready to go. That's when Judge Johnny comes in for his sniff n' sneer. First stop? Orlando who is making an ice cream sandwich-root beer float COMBO. Johnny thinks it will be difficult to eat, but I think it will be worth whatever effort and/or number of napkins to get that thing in your mouth. I mean, talk about Willy Wonka magic, right? Johnny moves on to Katzie who is making Baked Alaska on a stick a la Spumoni Gardens in Brooklyn. Johnny nods and then casually drops the bomb that the owners of L & B Spumoni Gardens are like family to him. Katzie groans and the other chefs bust out in horrified laughter at the anticipation of seeing Johnny turn up his nose at Katzie's spumoni. Johnny claims he is "excited" but that's just the thrill of the kill coursing through his veins. He's gonna tear her apart.

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Top Chef Just Desserts




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