Top Chef Just Desserts
Mr. Chocolate

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Sugar Rush
the panel. But wait! There's more! Tim has made an all-chocolate tower of pleasure that is causing a ruckus of oohs and ahhs. Malika (the not gay divorcee) has managed to finish her dessert, which is a bittersweet (naturally) chocolate layer cake with braised cherries and nougatine. Last but not least Ericka has a chocolate banana crunch bar that excites Dannielle. Tim's cake is dense but tastes like chocolate, as does Malika's chocolate dessert. Gail heads to the vomitorium and we head into Judges' Table.

The chefs take their first turn in the Stew Room, but can't seem to locate the beer stash. Gail calls in Zac, Heather H., and Seth. Since this is the first time through this process, no one is quite sure what to make of it. Morgan, for example, knows as a god given fact that his dessert was better than any of those people. And he's from Texas! He knows stuff. Seth's curry chocolate raspberry brownie wowed Dannielle, who can't believe people eat chocolate and curry for dessert! Even though people have been doing it for years and she is supposed to be a trend spotter. Whatever. Heather wins! She is ecstatic, but with victory comes the heavy burden of naming the losers. Today the judges want the heads of Danielle, Tania, and Morgan. Yes, THAT Morgan.

The losers trudge in and form a little threesome of sorrow. Danielle isn't sure why she's there so the judges explain that her sable was too thick. I don't really know what that means, so I'll just guess that they thought putting a wild ferret in her tart was just one step too far. Jacques Torres points out that the dessert was not popping, which is apparently a bad thing. More Pop Rocks! Tania knew her pastry hummus was a tough sell and the judges didn't buy it. Morgan mumbles something about hoping the judges had gone blind and wouldn't notice his flan had separated. Also that he is from Texas and he had to go big or go home. Go Lions! Gail sends them back to the Stew Room to think about what they've done.

The judges deliberate the chefs' many many flaws. Morgan forced Gail to eat fried food in public and served a sub par flan. Also, not enough chocolate. Tania had plenty of time to make her mousse the right way and her dessert was too timid. Danielle was overly defensive about her sable. Then the judges know what they need to do. They call the judges back in. Judge Johnny delivers the verdicts: Morgan spread himself too thin; Danielle didn't think her dessert through, and Tania's mousse was nasty. Gail proudly announces this season's tag line: Tania, your dessert just didn't measure up. Please pack your tools and go. And she goes. In a flood of tears and a sprinkling of sugar. Never to bake again.

Melissa Locker a.k.a. Lulu Bates needs a fucking cookie. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.

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Top Chef Just Desserts

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