Welcome back to Top Chef: Just Desserts, where the sugar is sweet and the competition is vicious. Last week the sophisticated and *ahem* refined Real Housewives of Beverly Hills risked wrinkles and cellulite and wrapped their siliconed lips around trays of pinkity pink sugary treats in a reality television cross-over of epic proportions. The more sophisticated team won, while Nelson's hairy lollipops got him sent home. Then the Real Housewives visited the Top Chef vomitorium sponsored by Kohler. And then THE WORST THING HAPPENED: I got an email stating that "Hugh Acheson is now following you on Twitter. This means that the man I referred to as a "unibrow enthusiast" not only reads that recap, but read it and then decided to follow me around on Twitter. Hi Hugh! You look really nice today. Please don't throw things at me, thank you.
In today's episode the cheftestants are breezily invited to the movies, even though that is clearly just a ploy to make them have a Quickfire with only movie theater seats and used gum as ingredients. The chefs shrug into their chefs' whites and head off to the movie theater. Upon arrival they are offered an array of tasty treats. The wilier among the throng of contestants brace for a Quickfire and hoard their popcorn and Red Vines, while the more slack-jawed among them chomp away merrily. The chefs file into the movie theater, which is sparsely populated by some non-chefs who will undoubtedly play a role in the upcoming challenge. And for god's sake people, quit eating that popcorn! You are going to need it and no one wants pre-masticated popcorn unless you are a baby bird and/or Hugh Hefner. The chefs take their seats, the curtain goes up and the only movie that could possibly be tied to this show starts. That's right: Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. The dessert chefs all die of childhood joy relived and start reciting the lines and thinking back to their joyous childhoods on dairy farms or wherever pastry chefs are grown and their eyes glow and their cheeks get rosy and they start echoing their favorite lines from the movies. The random people staged around the auditorium obviously all glare at the chefs for talking nonstop throughout the film, because that is annoying and, this show is filmed in Los Angeles, so have some respect for the craft. Orlando, who proved himself to be a real ray of sunshine (if by ray of sunshine you mean complete jerk) last week, laughs that the woman sitting next to him thought it was hilarious that he knew all the lines to the movie. Umm, it's probably more likely that she thought you were an ass for talking nonstop through the movie.