Top Chef Just Desserts

Episode Report Card
LuluBates: C+ | Grade It Now!
Hello Nasty

Judge Jordan excuses himself, because why have a fake rock star around when you can have a real one? Gail walks into the kitchen with none other than Adam Horovitz a.k.a. Ad-Rock of the Beastie Boys. Go ahead and take a moment to process the fact that a Beastie Boy has ended up on Top Chef and not even the real one, but Just Desserts. Go ahead and cry a little and maybe pour out a 40 of Old English 800 for your childhood. Now come on back. We're here for you. Watching Gail "Mom Hair" Simmons geek out over hanging with a Beastie is cognitive dissonance. You see her saying she likes the Beastie Boys, but it really doesn't process. I mean the idea of this woman in a silk shirt and flat ironed hair and drop earrings rocking out to "She's Crafty" is just really hard to comprehend. Like, I'm sure Gail exists outside of the Top Chef studios, but I have no proof of it and prefer to think they store her in a closet on site for her own safety. She doesn't do well in open spaces. Gail asks Ad-Rock explain the challenge and it's a doozie: The chefs will be making desserts from a pantry filled with items mentioned in Beastie Boys songs, such as canned ravioli, pork and beans, bacon, and Brass Monkey. If you, like me, thought the root vegetable sweets sounded like the worst desserts ever, I am loathe to think of what the bastard child of pudding and pork and beans will look, let alone taste like. Maybe they can have a Brass Monkey chaser to wash the taste out of their mouths?

One by one the chefs head to the Beastie Boys' pantry to select their items. Megan grabs whiskey and Brass Monkey; Chris inexplicably took pizza and pork and beans; Matthew got cornbread and whiskey; Sally cheddar cheese and prosciutto; Orlando took sugar, coffee, and cream and white rum. Becky took a 40 and some ham, like a real Beasties fan. When she told Ad Rock she was fan girl-ing out he more or less shrugged, which made me kinda like him more. After the final selection, Gail adds some "sabotage" (get it? get it?) and each chef gets to pick one additional item to pawn off on a competitor. Sally gives Carlos a cucumber to add to his popcorn and bacon. Carlos gave Sally a chicken; Orlando got peas; Katzie got gorgonzola and provolone; Chris got a can of ravioli from Megan; Chris gave Matthew mashed potatoes and gravy; and then Rebecca got handed falafel. The title cards very helpfully give song bibliographies for each item. For example, the historical origin of the mashed potatoes and gravy now gracing Matthew's station stem from the song "Do It," specifically the line, "Like gravy on potatoes like to Darth Vader." I feel like a librarian really put their MLS research skills to work for this one. Or at least some intern got to spend a lot of time on iTunes. Gail tells the chefs that they have four hours to cook before serving their revolting concoctions to some extremely lucky patrons of a street art festival.

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Top Chef Just Desserts




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